five parts water three parts magnet

Amy Eats Again

2010-08-18T13:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's triumph: Denny's. You were beyond clutch, buddy. My entire experience yesterday was so perfectly catered to my desires that were I with a significant other, I would have expected a proposal to be forthcoming.

Most importantly, perfectly textured hash browns. Check, and Hallelujahs!
Perfectly light-fried eggs, yolks runny, whites firm.
Perfectly pre-buttered toast (nothing more annoying than lukewarm toast where the butter can't melt in).
Coffee enhanced only with cream and sugar, indulgent in their fat and artificiality (respectively).

Today's letdown: I was eagerly anticipating my first meal at Eggstacy, a small western-suburbs chain of breakfast-and-lunch restaurants, with a menu composed mostly of different pancakes, waffles, french toast, omeletts, crepes, and other egg dishes.

Here's what Eggstacy got right:

My egg-whites, asparagus/fontina/roasted garlic omelette was fantastic, or rather, the three omelettes that you combined into one were all delicious. Seriously, this was like the Megazord of omelettes.

Lots of OTHER omelettes, crepes, etc., look fantastic. Caramelized pecan? Grape/Apple/Brie? Bring it on.

You have Avocado Eggs Benedict on the menu. This alone merits you a place in the breakfast establishment Olam Ha'Baa.

Rye toast came to me fast enough for me to at least butter it in time.

Now, here's where things went horribly, horribly wrong.

I think we all know I'm going to talk about the hash browns. Or whatever they are, since Eggstacy Potatoes:Hash Browns::Kia:Actual Cars.

First of all, come ON GUYS how many times do I have to say DON'T LABEL THEM HASH BROWNS IF THEY'RE NOT SHREDDED. If I wanted to have my trust in humanity eroded at a meal I'd do more online dating.

Second, I get that you don't want to futz around to get all the moisture out before frying these puppies. But that doesn't mean you can abandon the task entirely. What happens then is I get a big pile of rubber discs of starch that, yes, have the griddle burns to show that you made an attempt to get them crispy, but due to inadequate initial prep, end up with the mouthfeel of the bouncy floor material they use for playgrounds.

NOT ACCEPTABLE. FIX IT.

In the meantime, consider the fact that DENNY'S is SCHOOLING your aspirationally bougie ass.

Rise from the talcum ashes, Cleveland

2010-07-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

"Come downtown and see BOTH of our buildings!" "The Flats look like a Scooby-Doo ghost town!" "Our main export is crippling depression!": All lyrics sung, with hilariously chipper self-loathing, in a widely-forwarded parody Cleveland tourism video.

Then comes the line that hurts the most: "Our economy's based on Lebron James!" A succinct statement of the exact problem with Cleveland's increasingly pathetic mourning of Lebron's departure.

Why should a city like Cleveland, a place with world class art, symphony, research universities, dining, medical care, and philanthropy put so much stock in a singular athlete to demonstrate its worth?

Sure, America is a sports nation and a hot team like the Cavs can help bring revenue downtown. When you mention Cleveland to someone, they finally associate you with something more positive than a burning river.

But, Cleveland, Lebron was always one individual, a glorified near-deity who took away the pressure of promoting Cleveland on our own (substantial!) merits. Maybe now that we don't have some inflated symbol to point to (sidenote, whither the fate of the Witness poster? let's reach for our bootstraps with that much more resolve.

We have the first fresh-water wind farm, Cleveland! Let's grow our alternative energy sector - expand the wind farms in Lake Erie and build hydroenergy plants. Let's grow our health-tech corridor. Go visit University Circle and give money to support the Cleveland Museum of Art and Cleveland Symphony Orchestra, or visit any of the three theaters and dozens of shops in the Gordon Square Arts District. Shop at the West Side Market, drink at the Velvet Tango Room, eat at Tommy's (especially the milkshakes.)

Show Lebron all that he's missing out on, and give him a city to regret ever having left.

Deli Disaster

2010-05-24T10:29:00.001-07:00

Dear Bagel Chateau,

Today I ordered an egg-white salad sandwich. I appreciate that you even HAVE egg white salad; that's great.

However I made the obviously FATAL ERROR of asking for lettuce and onion on my sandwich.

Here's the thing, Bagel Chateau (and frankly any other deli near Millburn, Short Hills or Livingston). When I order a sandwich my priorities do include quantity of stuff in the sandwich, yes, but in moderation. In fact quantity takes a real backseat to balance of components and cohesiveness of the sandwich as a whole. Let's call THIS priority conveinece/portability.

So, when you put 12 unripped leaves of stiff iceberg lettuce, and approximately 3000 rings of onion, guess, what, the filling of the sandwich topples over, leaving me with something that is NOT a sandwich, with the aforementioned advantage, which I repeat, is portability, but rather, white egg salad strewn about, stacks, STACKS, of raw sandwich accoutrements, unplesantly concentrated in my eating experience, and basically a HUGE FUCKING MESS.

USE COMMON SENSE, BAGEL CHATEAU. I'M NOT ASKING FOR A HEAD OF ICEBERG LETTUCE HERE, it is meant as a COMPLEMENT to the REST OF THE STUFF IN THE SANDWICH. WHEN YOU COMPOSED THIS SANDWICH, AND IT FELL OVER THEN MAYBE IT WAS TIME TO REASSESS YOUR ENGINEERING STRATEGY, HUH??!!?!?!? WOULDN'T YOU AGREE?

This isn't Cordon Bleu level culinary IQ here, friend. When I order something from an eatery I am aware that factored into the price is the cost of labor. So if I have to go back and RE-COMPOSE MY OWN SANDWICH, I HAVE THEN LOST THAT PREMIUM IN WHAT I PAID FOR IT. SO DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?

More is less, Bagel Chateau. That's all I'm trying to say. Strive for balance. Aim for common sense. Give me a sandwich that I can eat.

Sincerely yours,

Amy B. Schiller

One person's cow is one organization's faxes

2009-11-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

If you read (or have read) the above article, you learned today that Kiva's fabled "direct donor-to-lender" gambit was...just that. A way of labeling the philanthropic "produce" for better marketing. They say as much when they admit that they're looking for a way to engage the mother in Des Moines who wants to give $25, and see something direct and tangible for her generosity, when in fact that donation is going to microfinance organizations, or serving as yet another tile in the mosaic of general operating funds. (Yes, the stuff of Henri Matisse's dreams.) Basically, if you thought Kiva was different, that you could actually contribute towards a visible object to be purchased by a known individual, rather than an anonymous check to an anonymous orgazation, well...plus ca change.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like Kiva. I am glad to see their model explained with greater transparency because the myth of Kiva gets at the heart of my concerns regarding our philanthropic vocabulary. With their person-to-person gimmick, Kiva became shorthand for the phenomenon wherein even the hoi polloi, armed with $100 and a tax return, demand to see *exactly* where their money was going, to ensure that it was spent exclusively on their desire project, etc. To me, this fosters a culture of entitlement where donors start wanting to see the cow, the desert stove, the whatever, that their $10 buys. You know what, donors? Your $10 went to our heating bill. Your $36 paid for the synagogue's faxes. Deal.

So I'm glad to see Kiva, under pressure, being like, yeah, that $25 goes to overhead. We just put a face to that overhead, SAME AS EVERY OTHER ORGANIZATION WITH AN ANNUAL REPORT TO SEND YOU.

returning with musings on Skip Gates

2009-07-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

While i fully understand the right and the necessity of voicing opposition to this type of profiling and treatment by the police, particularly because it highlights pervasive racial profiling AND abuse of power by certain police, who think everyone should be hyperdeferential to them because they (many, not all) have not only actual penii but surrogate ones as well...

The problem with the whole "isn't it awful that this HARVARD PROFESSOR got racially profiled? his whole station in life and accomplishments totally overruled by his race?" is manifold: one, it implied that somehow its OK to profile lower-class, non educated black people, two, it assumes that just because someone is an Ivy League professor that s/he couldn't have been committing a crime. Not that Gates was, nor that he was outside of his rights in his own home, but the pearl-clutching "do you know who he is?" only underscores class biases rather than extending a full spectrum of humanity (i.e. a poor black person can be and often is innocent; a professor could be a criminal, YOU DON'T KNOW and THAT's why profiling is wrong.)

I have never been treated with anything but courtesy and respect by the police. of course not. I'm a petite white female. However, I know that police can be unpleasant, at best, to other people when they feel that their power isn't respected. its the same as respecting my amazing friends who serve in uniform but recognizing that the institution does breed a number of desentitized people who abuse their power whether with civilians or with, say, women who are raped in the military and blamed for reporting the crime. The underlying issue is that these two particular institutions protect themselves at all cost.

OF COURSE the cambridge pd stands behind this guy. The code is, you're putting your life on the line, we're asking you to trust us and your fellow cops to have your back so that you will do this dangerous job. So we'll protect you from everything, and if theres a problem thats for us to deal with internally. this often becomes a bunker mentality - if you've never been in the military/police, you have no authority or oversight and are intruding on our chain of command, which is vital for everyones safety.

I wish I had a solution, or first-hand insight, into this phenomenon whereby the necessary feeling of protection that allows a person to go into danger, professionally, every day, becomes a sense of entitlement to abuse power, which in turn is reinforced when the institutions have to come through on those same promises of protection.

These two forces combine in a toxic way where two forms of entitlement, two forms of feeling protected by virtue of affiliation with an institution of power, clash with each other. Again, I see the political exigencies here, I just wish that both parties could have NOT escalated the situtation in the press (or, indeed, on Dr. Gates' porch) but instead could have said, hey, we're both human, we both made mistakes in how we handled this. THAT's progress.

instead, we get everyone's worst sterotypes playing out - that academic, he thinks he's so smart, above the law, he has to obey like everyone else, that cop was just doing his job, and finally, wah wah white man is the victim of everyone else getting "special" treatment (probably the most repugnant to me personally because it is uuugggglllllyyy racism veiled beneath a veneer of "fairness" and other code words that come courtesy of nixon's southern strategy and its descendents)

(The President, by the way, contributed to the situation when, in appropriately standing up for his friend and calling a spade a spade, he also reinforced the bunker mentality of those who are already sensitive about "race cards" and whatnot, and think they are under siege personally when people of color try to call attention to imbalances of power when they think they're just "following orders." Saying "they behaved stupidly" is not the same as, Philadelphia-race-speech-style, pointing out what the psychodynamics were that maybe precipitated each camp's reaction.)

but see also: those cops, they're always racist, parochial meatheads, abusing their power, can't trust them ever (not an attitude anyone benefits from if you live in a poor neighborhood and dont trust the cops to pursue, I don't know, your child's murderer/a drug dealer/rapist etc.)

It's a shame Gates and Crowley chose the inflammatory route instead of a more statesmanlike approach that would have shown them taking the high road AND maybe changed people's minds. however, I also see issues where by saying that I play into expectations that somehow black men in particular shouldn't stand up for themselves, or seem angry, and should instead uncle-tom stuff like this to continue passing or better yet, serving as some paragon of racial sainthood to educate the masses. That's not anyone's job.

fuck it. I love Caroline Kennedy.

2008-12-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

In no particular order, my points:

a) COOL IT already with the hair-pulling about dynastic politics within the Democratic party. Oooooh but Beau Biden "might" run for his dad's Senate seat! and Jesse Jackson Jr. "might" get appointed to the IL seat! Ken Salazar's brother "might" get his Senate seat! Udalls! Clintons! Meritocracy in peril!!!

Okay, but, um, what was the key word in all of those examples? Oh, yes, they are ALL HYPOTHETICAL CONJECTURE at this point. And the thing is, people being considered for an appointment is not the same as running and winning an election. Quit being lazy and lumping all of those together.

b) I don't know what you all have been reading about Caroline's entitlement complex, but please, do send it to me in case I've been missing these stories. The story I've read has said she prefers doing low-key, basic campaign gruntwork and that that was her m.o. on the Obama campaign trail. I think it's safe to say that she has the work ethic necessary to earn for the approval of the people of New York state.

c) Wouldn't it be a great thing to have a candidate who hasn't had to endure years of horse-trading her soul away to various factions, but instead could concentrate on the issues that matter most to her, and to her state? It's impossible to say that about Cuomo, Maloney, even Meeks. The ability to transcend the pettiness that besieges any lifelong politician is a tremendous asset, though a sad commentary on the state of democracy. That, however, is not Caroline's fault.

d) Y'all, seriously. This is not J-Lo, Rep. Gary Ass-erman. This is a legal scholar with two books on privacy and the Bill of Rights under her belt, a professional advocate and fundraiser for NYC public schools, and a civic leader whose accomplishments are all the more impressive for their lack of visibility. While I am impressed by her intellect, her dedication, and her familiarity with the political and civic landscape of New York, and I think her charity work has prepared her for that, I don't think it showcases the full extent of her abilities, which leads me to my final point:

e) The most persuasive argument to me, to date, comes from Madeleine Kunin at HuffPo, who wrote that Caroline demonstrates to women everywhere that while charity work is wonderful and helpful, we need to recognize where the real power lies, in the policy-making world, and participate more fully and actively in not just Congress, but in all areas of public accomplishment.

(Direct quote: "It's fine to volunteer, it's fine to be on the sidelines and work for the election of others, but I know where the real power is, and that is having a vote in the United States Senate. I could do more for the issues I care about, like education and health care, if I'm on the inside rather than applying pressure from the outside." That is an important message for women who work on issues that concern them, but stop just short of opening the door to the smoke filled rooms (which now have No Smoking signs) where the action is.")

one case for Hillary as Secretary of State

2008-11-17T09:26:00.000-08:00

Now that President-Elect Obama has chatted up Hillary Clinton about the Secretary of State position, speculations are flying about how he might negotiate around Bill's philanthropic endeavors and international connections, whether Hillary would properly underscore the message of change he won on, and the usual calls for the policy equivalent of jello-wrestling between them.

I have my own qualms about her as a potential Sec. of State. It boils down to the fact that she doesn't come off as a diplomat to me. She could be great as, say, Secretary of Health and Human Services, because something more legislatively focused would fit her personal style and career experience better than a position dependent on subtle smooth-talking. I mean, when Hillary wants to make a point, oh, it gets across. There just isn't a lot of finesse most of the time. And finesse is probably communication skill #1 for that position.

HOWEVAH! Here's Hillary's secret totally-unique-to-her advantage: Among impending crises with Waziristan (that amorphous area between Pakistan and Afghanistan where Al-Queda rules the rugged mountainsides, kind of like the Polish-Russian territory where my ancestors came from, only now the pogroms occur on a GLOBAL scale, great), Russia, could somebody please step up and at least say SOMETHING about the Congo, kthnx, Iraq, Iran, India's nuclear arsenal, et al., there is one conflict that the Obama administration will have to change. I'm talking, of course, about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Getting Israel to make some concessions and broker an imperfect-but-stable agreement with the Palestinians for a two-state solution, while obviously necessary and meaningful for its own sake, would immensely increase our credibility and ability to prevent terrorist recruitment and activity in the Arab world and Iran.

Hillary Clinton is a) a Clinton, and we all know how active Bill was in mediating the conflict and the weight that carries, and b) the Senator from New York, and I think its safe to say she's received a courtesy call or two from AIPAC. Whether or not you think highly of the major Israel lobby, her familiarity and trust with the American Jewish community gives her the ability to sit down with Israeli leadership and say, for instance, "You have to halt settlement activity and free up checkpoints between Ramallah and Bethlehem." And she can do the same on the Palestinian side if they believe she can get useful concessions from the Israelis.

Plus! the image of Hillary Clinton and Tzipi Livni shooting the shit over their respective countries' neuroses about gender and leadership, well, that just warms my feminist heart.

Chris Rock endorses Sarah Palin

2008-08-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

Chris Rock has a line in HBO's The Black List where he says "The true, true equality is the equality to suck like the white man."

Today we see the gender incarnation of that principle in Sarah Palin, who showed just how much Hillary's candidacy freed women in politics from being defined solely on gender, but as candidates on their own merits. For she truly does suck just as much as any other small-minded, corrupt, opportunistic, and fundamentalist Republican candidate.

yes. I am proud of this.

2008-08-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

Ryan A. is the MVP for the day. DNC debrief, film development collaboration, and lolcats accomplice. Boy is talented.

David...Brooks...well done...sir

2008-08-27T13:53:00.000-07:00

apologies for the punctuated incredulity- I'm just...stunned. I never thought I would be this pro-Brooks, at least post-Bobos.

Then he said this: "The Democrats are in danger of doing to Obama what they did to their last two nominees: burying authentic individuals under a layer of prefab themes."

Now, we kind of go separate ways when it comes to analyzing the first night of the convention- or as I might say, Monday Night Softball- because I saw the whole "Modest roots + hard work = American Dream = Obama" theme as precisely that kind of prefab cliche.

But hey! progress, baby. Thanks for the validation, Captian Pink Tie. Keep on keepin' on.

Hillary: That's More Like It.

2008-08-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

Rock out, girl. (Love "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits." That should totally be a movie, like a good version of Divine Secrets of something Sisterhood. Potential casting includes Bette Midler, Annette Benning, Felicity Huffman, and Phylicia Rashad.)

(update: just kidding, that casting is lame. Thanks to Ryan Anderson's assistance, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits will instead star Allison Janney, Catherine O'Hara, Francis McDormand, and Phylica Rashad.)

On topic: I'm not going to Talmudically dissect last night (others can debate whether she sufficiently made a case for Obama other than "Vote for him, he's our candidate") mostly because I think the most important refrain in that speech made the best case of all:

Were you in this just for me, or for all the people who feel invisible in this country?

There's the pathos I'm looking for, the realism we need about people's lives in America, and the admittedly weird reminder, considering the source, that politics is about all people, not just the one anointed candidate.

Barack would do well to underscore that theme. Despite the perceived messianism this campaign is about empowering citizens to feel they can "be the change [they]wish to see in the world." That's what will get us across the finish line.

Where is the DNC cello?

2008-08-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

I truly enjoyed Michelle's speech at the DNC last night and thought it was a finely crafted debut to disengaged, undecided, and/or wary voters.

Yet the only reason I responded positively to the speech when I re-read the transcript today was that I remembered Michelle saying those words, infusing them with passion, warmth, and confidence that leavened the dense sweetness of the written text.

I understand the pragmatic softening of Michelle's persona, with heavy emphasis on her family-centered life, and the working-class roots. Though she pulls off empathy as beautifully as she does couture, the whole gestalt of the "American story" feels generic and saccharine, and that concerns me.

To be fair, I'm not just referring to Michelle. Sen. Claire McCaskill had the same refrain in her warmup speech, Michelle's bio video, the whole first night theme involved the relentless repetition of the same phrases- "American dream" "American story" "hard work" et al.- and it felt like Mad Libs, Pollster Edition.

The "American dream" is NOT a reality for many people. I have heard every Democratic candidate in my lifetime before Barack Obama use the same hollow, tired-ass slogans to people who know damn well that the forces that have concentrated our nation's wealth, or, say, callously peddle subprime Faustian loans to the working class under the guise of giving them a foothold into upward mobility - they are a lot stronger than that limp catchphrase.

I believe the Obama candidacy possesses far more substance than the DNC has shown so far, substance of the variety that awakens and empowers people to choose participation in a system that they rightly perceive is broken, and makes us believe that in doing so, we can fix it. Together.

"I'm asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring real change in Washington. I'm asking you to believe in yours."

In the same way that Obama won over voters in Iowa, lifelong Republicans, inner-city youth, first-time adult voters, our undecided voters need to hear a real, fierce, visceral understanding of how frustrating American life can be right now, before we get to the part about how great America can be. If you skip straight to the optimism, you've already lost people who have heard this propaganda before, and have no reason to believe that this time those words carry weight.

Good thing we've already made that statement, memorably.

Listen again to Yes We Can. Pay attention to the moment at 1:58 and 2:29. The music goes into a minor key. You hear the strains of a cello, and later, a mournful violin.

1:58: "We know the battle ahead will be long."

2:29: "We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. They will only grow louder and more dissonant."

and then at 2:48: "But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope."

DNC, lose the saccharine-coated Americana marketing. Find your cello.

my VP is a Finnish composer?

2008-07-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

Let me be clear, I have called Tim Kaine, Governor of VA, for the VP slot for several months now. However, and maybe I'm on a kick because I'm actually going to Finland in September, but Kathleen Sebelius' (Governor of Kansas for those just tuning in) presence on the VP short list intrigues me.

A lot of the obvious reasons have been gone over already- Democrat who has resoundingly won a "red" state, bipartisan cooperation that has resulted in significant legislative accomplishments, family political contacts in Ohio and Michigan, and oh, yeah, she's a lady. That's good for the lady voters, right?

The two main critiques, which I am only reiterating from a variety of sources, are that she won't bring Kansas with her into the electoral count, and (here's where it gets elliptical) she's a lady but she's NOT Hillary, so Hillary supporters will feel jealous/disrespected further/resentful that another woman will be chosen over HRC as a presidential ticket member.

Personally I've been impressed with Sebelius since I saw her speak at Center for American Progress back in 2005 (appropriately enough, with Thomas Frank). She's well-spoken but plain-spoken, charming, pragmatic, and wears her unique status as a female, Democratic chief executive in a Republican state rather lightly (in a good way).

But she's a really good choice because she underscores a lot of powerful themes: one, for the Emily' List constituents: look at the benefit of having lots of pro-choice female candidates on the farm team! We don't have to rely on one standard-bearer for womankind everywhere. Two, a fabulous counterpart to Obama on matters of bipartisan, pragmatic policymaking that nevertheless has a progressive perspective. Three, a candidate who truly exemplifies the fifty-state strategy of the DNC and now, the Obama campaign.

We'll see how this all ends up fairly soon- I still think Kaine will be the result, for reasons I'll detail later, but I'm throwing a few chips to Sebelius as the risky dark horse who could energize a whole new voter constituency. Sound like anyone else we know?

more Linda Hirshman love

2008-03-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

Josh: Speaking as someone whose friend works/ed in Silda [Wall]'s office, she used both the AG role and especially the first lady role
to be very active and do a lot.

That article is bullshit. Is Linda Hirshman saying that she was dependent, and that was the problem?

Amy: No, the problem is not that Silda Wall neutered herself somehow,
but that she did the best she could with the options provided to women with ambitious husbands. So she can be commended for that, but it's not a substitute for actually changing a system in which wives sublimate their successful careers and ambitions for their children and husband's careers
It's a case of induction, not a critical profile

Josh: Hmm. I'm just not willing to give up on first lady careers as successful careers.

Amy: I'd buy that if there were equal precedent for first gentleman careers
and if guys got patted on the back for organizing uncontroversial charities
when they'd previously, like, managed acquisitions for Bloomberg.

This is the lie we tell ourselves, if a woman has accomplishments outside the field of paid work, that those are equal in stature to accomplishments within paid work.

Dear Parents

2008-03-07T10:10:00.000-08:00

Think you're the only ones with an ungrateful control-freak for a kid? Take heart: I have a story for you that perfectly illustrates the "millenial" child and our compulsive need to define and dictate the terms of engagement with our loving parents.

This story is printed with permission of the subject, a young man who is a very dear friend with unimpeachable moral character.

So, friend's mom calls him to say that a friend of theirs is visiting NY,and will be on the Upper West Side, and wanted to know, should she bring anything for the son?

Friend's mom clarifies further: "I know you, and I know you're going to say "no, don't bring anything, I'm fine, I don't need anything" I'm just calling anyway to ask."

Her son: 'Thanks, mom, for knowing me so well, no I do not want you to send anything."

Later that night, mom calls again: "So, L (family friend) will be on the UWS at this time, she has some things to drop off for you, just let her into your building."

Friend is frustrated. Pop quiz: why is friend frustrated at this point?

A) He is a whiny, ungrateful little pisher who doesn't appreciate that his mother is trying to do something nice for him.
B) He had a secret affair with this family friend and doesn't want to have any awkward contact with her
C) He has expressly communicated his wishes to his mother, who initially approached him as a peer with his own valid desires to be respected, only to have those wishes blatantly disregarded according to the attitude that no matter what he says, he's just being stubborn, his mom knows best and he'll appreciate her efforts in the end.

If you answered A, you may be thinking like a parent, understandably. However, the correct answer for discerning the child's reaction is actually C. B is a red herring.

Part II: Friend obligingly lets the friend into the building at the appointed time to receive whatever his mother has sent. What he gets is three huge grocery bags full of delicious, home cooked meals that will provide lunch and dinner for the next three weeks.

Now, objectively, is this a nice thing that the mother has done, going out of her way to buy and prepare all this food? Sure, maybe. Unfortunately, this message backfires and friend is furious.

Quiz: Why is friend furious?

A) He is allergic to everything his mother prepared
B) He is an ungrateful whiny pisher who seems to have no problem eating all the food in the house when he visits but all of a sudden he moves to New York and is too good for his mother's cooking
C) Receiving huge amounts of lovingly prepared yet unsolicited food strikes him as a rebuke of sorts, the assumption being that he cannot feed himself and needs the intervention of his mother, even if he won't admit it.

Hopefully by now you've at least figured out that the longest sentence is the correct one. C is the answer.

Addendum: Friend's mom has unintentionally communicated her belief that this friend isn't eating as well as he could, perhaps only subsisting on carrot sticks and peanut butter. First of all, ha, if only she knew that those foods should be the least of her concerns. Second, and more critically, if that were the case, to the millenial child it is important that that diet be at least result of HIS choice, HIS control, and determined by his own capacity, and appreciated therein by his parents. If he did need some food, he would come home or even request it when an opportunity like this one arose.

Epilogue: Friend is so angry that he does not say thank you when his mother calls to check that he got her meals. He calls mom several days later, mom responds "oh, so NOW you call me." She continues, "I understood on Sunday night that you were upset about the meals, I got that, but the least you could have done was thank me for the MONEY."

Friend: 'What money?"

(There is a card with cash in the bottom of one of the bags that friend nearly threw out. Friend recovered the money and made up with his mom).

The End.

moms and dads as presidents

2008-02-10T12:17:00.000-08:00

Hillary's appeal among older women has little to do with a superficial sisterhood-is-powerful solidarity. It has everything to do with her representing the moms who do all the unglamorous family management: the logistics, the calendars, the bookeeping and housekeeping that remains invisible to all but the one person doing it.

Hillary is the one who emphasizes that she can get bills passed, negotiate a bureaucracy, and get incremental improvements delivered to people instead of agitating for some massive system change that may be impossible in the face of entrenched interests. Let's be practical and make the best of the situation, says Hillary. Let's be realistic and make sure we're taking into account all of the challenges in a situation and adjust our expectations.

HRC obviously is glorifying her pragmatism for many reasons, mostly because it's the strongest attribute to contrast with a more youthful and less nationally experienced candidate (whether he's actually less experienced in government is a different debate). But she also emphasizes it because it plays to her core constituency.

You don't necessarily have to be a radical feminist to identify with a woman who says the same thing you have to repeat all the time to your kids: Hey, I want to help you, but we can't just get whatever we want, whenever we want. I know all the machinery and planning that goes into making your life run smoothly, whether you realize it or not. So just give me a little bit of respect here, that I'm trying to balance a lot of different needs and a lot of different schedules here.

Now, contrast that with Obama's narrative of idealism, of using the leverage of tremendous empowerment and voter turnout to say "we can change the whole system!" Maybe I'm stretching here, but doesn't Obama sound like "fun dad" who waltzes in after a day at the office and says "Hey! Let's all go for ice cream!"

As you take the parallel further, think about the dynamic between Barack "cool dad" Obama and Hillary "nagging mom" Clinton, who, when faced with an opponent who wants Americans to feel like they can get the electoral equivalent of ice cream, reverts to hedging and objecting on the basis of thinking she knows the larger reality of the kids' lives:

"Well, Julia has a singing lesson tomorrow, and shouldn't be having dairy, and David has to finish his science project, and if you had CHECKED with me FIRST, we could have avoided getting the kids all excited about ice cream, but now they want ice cream and I have to be the one who tells them they can't have it."

And of course, that's where the kids say "Yes We Can! Yes We Can!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjXyqcx-mYY

(a la the Obama video from will.i.am and assorted fresh-faced, attractive young quasi-revolutionaries, albeit revolutionaries looking to reclaim the founding values of patriotism, not exactly zine-writing anarchists, here).

Much as I cry to that video every time, as much as it maintains my optimism and hopefulness about BHO's campaign, my concern os that I can't imagine a more off-putting or annoying refrain for a world-weary older soccer mom who's had to beg off more trip to McDonald's or ice cream or what-have-you that I can count.

5PW3PM Endorses Obama

2008-02-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

Yes, We Can. Yes, We Can. Yes, We Can.

Yes: I cried at the video. Yes: I'll be volunteering for Obama on Super Tuesday.

I believed in Edwards because I thought he brought the best of Obama's lofty rhetoric about the ideals of what America stands for down to a level of Clinton-like detail and practicality, the kitchen-table issues that motivate voters who don't always have the luxury of being high-minded at the expense of knowing they will get health care, heat, jobs, college. I would also follow Elizabeth Edwards to the ends of the earth.

But now with the field down to two, I can't sit by with an opportunity to elevate our political discourse to a level of principles and vision over cynicism and ruthless ambition.

In the words of Pirkei Avot, "Lo alecha ham-lacha l'igmohr, veh loh atah ben choreen l'hivatel mi-meh-nah"- "You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it.

The day is short, the work is much, the reward is great, and the Master is pressing.

In solidarity,

Amy

Maureen, my friend!

2007-09-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, what other reversals might I have in store? I suddenly loooove cleaning and making my bed? My new pasttime is XFL football reruns?

But seriously, folks, MoDo: TOTALLY on target in her column about Ahmadinejad:

"New York’s hot blast of nastiness, jingoism and xenophobia toward its guest, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, only served to pump him up for his domestic audience."

Exacto-fucking-mundo.

My take on Ahmadinejad (see Monday's post for more): A hateful, cruel autocrat, but one who ultimately cares more about looking like a powerful opposition leader to the U.S. and a hero in his own country than about pretty much anything else.

Much as I liked Bollinger's take-no-prisoners (unlike Iran, ha...cry) speech - I mean, damn, he laid it DOWN, and no one likes a cathartic verbal ass-whooping more than I - that too completely served Ahmadinejad's favorite pasttime: playing gotcha with inconsistencies in American values and rhetoric about freedom and democracy.

Mo, buddy, care to weigh in?

"[The] schoolyard name-calling of Lee Bollinger...only managed to elevate the creep sitting on stage with his thugs. Once you’ve made the decision to invite a tyrannical leader, you can’t undo it by belittling him in public."

Bollinger had to cover his ass in a major way (hello Jewish students, alumni, and donors!) so I get why he did it, but again, Ahmadinejad has constructed the scenario such that if you stoop to play his game, you automatically lose.

Meanwhile, I'm going to buy Maureen a kiss-and-make-up drink, and she can tell me about the relative merites of Bill Keller vs. Aaron Sorkin.

ahmadinejad? whatevs.

2007-09-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

If you live in New York, you certainly know about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit today, which most notably includes speaking at Columbia University. Lots of protesters are gathering throughout the next few days at the U.N. and Morningside Heights, with positions ranging from "How dare an American university invite this Holocaust denier and autocratic ruler to speak" to "Iran should abandon its nuclear ambitions" to "ISRAEL FOREVER, SUCKA!!!"

Believe me, the sight of Ahmadinejad's slightly simian visage fills me with revulsion. This man is power-hungry, greedy, and manipulates his citizen's basest prejudices to compensate for his economic weaknesses, to say nothing of the Holocaust denial and the threatening of Israel.

But I wouldn't protest him today. Why? First of all, he's in the U.S. looking for attention. Any kind of attention. Anything that will demonstrate that he is a powerful man who intimidates the government of the powerful Great Satan, making him a fearsome leader in the Middle East.

Second of all, what exactly might we protest now? His right to speak at an American university? Well, that's a bit counterproductive for demonstrating the values of an open democracy (Indeed, Iran can counter that it too is nominally a democracy, but when the candidates are vetted and the votes tallied by cleric-ocrats, that claim becomes null and void). Iran's nuclear ambitions? According to them, there are no nuclear weapons, only energy sources. His desire to destroy Israel? He only waves that flag to, again, get attention and consolidate his influence in the region, and to distract his own supporters, generally the urban poor, to, uh, forget that they're still poor.

People are still gonna go after this guy because of our visceral distaste for the guy. He's like the Voldemort of world leaders (hint: could a uranium enrichment faciity itself be a Horcrux?)

Fire consultants, hire New Hampshire residents

2007-09-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

Even after my years of political activism and study, I haven't find a better messenger of Robert Reich's message than the man from Berlin, NH whom I heard this morning on NPR. He was reacting to the demolition of the smokestacks at the Burgess Pulp Mill, formerly the nexus of Berlin's economy.

"A lot of people may be happy that these smokestacks are coming down, but it used to be that those were the good jobs in town. You worked there, you made good money. Nowadays, we all work at Wal Mart or some other job that just doesn't pay as well."

I'm not looking to bring back the good old days of manufacturing, Cleveland origins aside. But that guy, in New Hampshire , articulated so succinctly the challenge that middle class now faces, since industry has been replaced by service jobs, which are devalued, underpaid, and underinsured. Nothing new under the sun, but way more impactful to hear it first-hand rather than theorized in a classroom or conference panel. Edwards (or whichever Democrat is smart enough to move fast) should tote him around to every house party north of Manchester.

Scalia and I agree (WTF?)

2007-06-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 today against programs in two school systems, one in Seattle and one in the Louisville, KY area, created to place students in schools according to the "racial balance."

I don't think I'm breaking any new ground here when I say that race-based classifications for school demographics are overly simplistic, reductionist, and may not fully address all the factors that prevent minority students from succeeding in education. In Justice Robert's opinion, he writes “Classifying and assigning schoolchildren according to a binary conception of race is an extreme approach in light of this court’s precedents and the nation’s history of using race in public schools, and requires more than such an amorphous end to justify it.”

Isn't it rather insulting, as well as the EXACT QUOTA SYSTEM WE SHOULD TRY TO AVOID, to say "oh, you need to go to this school, where they need more kids with your skin tone?"

As a graduate of a landmark school system in racial integration, I can say a few things from lived experience: One, being in a school with kids of different races only impacts students inasmuch as they do not resegregate into tracked classes or different social circles. Two, race is only a superficial indicator of potential influences with regard to the education level of the family, motivation and encouragement to succeed, even a family's ability to choose whether to hold a kid back from kindergarten for a year (thus giving them a greater chance of starting their school career successfully, and continuing that success for life).

As Richard Kahlenberg and many other scholars have said- it's about class, stupid. There are case studies out there, from Wisconsin to Oakland, that demonstrate how balancing schools based on socioeconomic class gives poorer kids the chance to benefit from middle-class values and resources, while allowing higher-income students to learn from and encounter people different from themselves. So, thanks, conservative judges, for demanding that we judge children and strategize for the education success based on multiple complex factors, instead of bigoted shorthand.

Mommy Wars = Halachic Feminism?

2007-06-26T19:12:00.001-07:00

The industrial and post-industrial division of labor goes like this: Heterosexual marriage, husband is breadwinner, wife is mother and housekeeper. Men earn money to take care of women- the more money they earn, the closer they get to the ideal of masculinity. The more time and energy a woman spends on her kids and her house, the closer they get to the ideal of femininity.

As I started pondering more closely the psychology behind the phenomenon of highly-educated women choosing to opt out of the workforce, I realized that so much of the presumed hostility on both sides comes from the fact that women perceive other women as being “allowed” to forgo breadwinning responsibilities.

Disclaimer: This is not true in all cases by any means. The vast majority of women work precisely because a second income is necessary to sustain their families. Whether these women feel like they shouldn’t have to work or would rather not work is a totally moot point.

Nevertheless, the gendered public-private schema has a powerful hold on us to this day. The level of frustration and resentment that I read on both sides of the “mommy wars” regarding whether women should work, under what circumstances, etc, sounded somewhat reminiscent of the conflicts in Conservative Jewish communities about women adopting halachic practices (traditions define by Jewish law, which are binding on Jewish men).

“If a woman wants to read from the Torah, she has to cover her head.” “If a woman wants to put on tefillin (ritual leather straps worn during prayer) she has to do it every day.” “If a woman wants to become a rabbi, she has to undertake all of the mitzvot (commandments) that men are obligated to follow.”

The intent of this philosophy is not punitive, but it is one that demonstrates an underlying fear that women always have the option of not doing what is required of men, and could thus destabilize the standard divisions and classifications of what makes a Jew/rabbi/citizen. I think the anxieties are different for women speaking to other women about family/work choices. The concern is that women who opt out of work -- whether because they have kids already or anticipate having kids or simply are content to live on their husbands’ earning power -- maintain the normative assumption that working is not for women, that our jobs won’t necessarily make or break family finances and are somehow waivable, and therefore make it that much easier for sexist assumptions about women’s commitment to work when, say, it comes time for deciding promotions, to fester. Consequently, it becomes that much more typical for women to lower their professional ambitions or not take their future careers seriously.

On the other hand, maybe in the pro-career (NOT anti-family) feminists there’s a whiff of a more visceral jealousy: “I had to play by the rules, which favor men who don’t have household responsibilities – so why do you get to live as though the rules of hard work can be so easily discarded?”

Ohio women kick ass

2007-05-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the ongoing debate regarding parenthood and careers, Teresa Lehman’s $2.1 million successful settlement from Kohl’s department stores demonstrates so clearly that a lot of working-parent issues emerge on the “supply side,”i.e. discriminatory policies in businesses that are punitive towards mothers, both present and future. Despite being a top candidate for a managerial position within the Kohl’s department store chain in Ohio, Lehman watched less experienced men, some of whom were her own trainees, receive promotions while she stayed put at assistant manager. Lehman was also explicitly interrogated and reprimanded for her pregnancies, with one jackass manager in particular, Timothy O’Daugherty, saying to her face “Are you going to get pregnant again?…Did you get your tubes tied?” Well, congrats to Lehman her ability to withstand such obnoxious treatment and come out the victor. She can flip the glass ceiling the bird, having moved up to senior merchandise planner for JoAnn fabrics.

Pundits, amateur and professional alike, spend a lot of time discussing high-powered, highly educated women opting out of the workforce. It’s certainly refreshing in this case to have the Kohl’s managers as the clear villains, and we could leave it at that, a cut-and-dry victory. But we’d be ignoring the true moral if we didn’t ask if women of means and education, along with their partners, make it easier for the O’Daugherty’s of the world to believe sexist garbage with the decision that despite all other qualifications and accomplishments, they are best suited to full-time motherhood. Given such challenges on the supply-side of the workplace, what is a feminist’s responsibility on the “demand side” that is, families expecting and negotiating for true family-friendly workplaces?

just like Mary Richards!

2006-06-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my first day of work today, at a real job! Let me clarify a few things: Not-real job: at worst, sit and read your email. at best, write articles, play softball and watch Office Space in a conference room. Real job: Retrieve paper. Put paper in another binder. Change the binder code on the spreadsheet. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. ....wooooo!

Even in all those months of graduates telling you "enjoy college while you can, you'll miss it so much," EVEN when you think you're maximizing your college experience- you are not prepared to transition. Not prepared for the loss of autonomy (if I want to write a paper at 10 PM or 3 AM, as long as it's done who cares?) and the luxury of talking about ideas and readings all day, to say nothing of the chunks of time to just hang out with all 100 of your closest friends within a mile radius. I chuckle now at the thought of being eager for an office job, where I could leave and be done for the day. HA! So much better to be able to procrastinate at will.

But seriously, my job is pretty good most of the time, and an interesting counterpart to all the big media stories about what this Congressional race looks like, or what so-and-so should do in this gubernatorial campaign. My colleagues (hee!) are really nice, and I have to stay ON my TOES like whoa. More comparisons of big media story- small on-the-ground reality to come.

And on a different note: Though it is an incredible song, there are times when listening to Sunday Kind of Love on repeat is just PATHETIC.

catlike, and not in a good way

2006-05-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

You ever marvel at pets, the way they're content with lives of sloth, the way they can just lie still for hours and call it a day?

I have joined their company. I slept for ten hours today. Not that I haven't done that before, but it usually follows a week of not sleeping, or an all-nighter, or something that would justify catching up on sleep. This week? No demands. No need to wake up earlier than usual or stay up later. Just....ennui. And apparently my sleep set point is approximately the same as infants. talk about regression upon a return home.

video killed the literary star?

2006-04-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

On the train today I had an epiphany about how competitve reality TV (even as little of it as I watch) has done some damage to my creative process. Granted, in some ways I feel like I learned as much about craft from Project Runway as I did from my writing workshop (don't LAUGH, you BASTARDS). All those consults with Tim Gunn insisting that the product reflect a clear vision, that you edit carefully and translate the abstract to the concrete with as much transparency and clarity as possible- all of those ideas have come up again and again as I tentatively start to write in earnest again. Of course, the idea of visually conceptualizing a garment and then physically constructing it makes me nauseous with fear, but hey, fashion design and poetry are not so far from each other, as far as process goes.

But the idea that something beautiful and representative of artistic vision can be created in a day, in essentially a cramming session? This is a BIG problem, as my initial impulse is already to believe I can do something perfect the first time around, when really so much editing, tangents, revision, etc.. are required before I can emerge with anything I can call a complete work. To see it reinforced on PR, and occassionally on Top Chef and American Idol, is becoming detrimental. I have to remember that the ability to create an amuse-bouche or an evening dress on a dime is based on years of practice, of building technique through discipline, and ideas stewing for long periods of time that emerge when only when the artist needs them.

oh, how I love Brad Whitford

2006-04-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

Gems from his appearance on the Tavis Smiley show tonight (yeah, no idea who it is either, but who cares):

"government is where the moral consensus is made tangible."

"standing on principle is easy, in a way. trying to negotiate how deep in the mud you have to wade to get an inch of what you want, that's heroic."

"My ancestors farmed and raised cattle, and I wear makeup. only in America. they'd be so proud that I have a favorite mousturizer."

and so much more, but it was late and I was blinded by his beautiful smile, which thank g-d will still grace my TV screen in Studio 60 on Sunset Strip, Sorkin's new show. My only problem tonight was that Bradley Whitford's appearance was at the same time as Caitlin Flanagan's on Colbert. Because there is a critique of Flanagan to rival my Maureen Dowd post coming down the pike, my friends, I would have loved to see Colbert take her on.

a great loss...

2006-04-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

I just heard that Reverend William Sloane Coffin died yesterday at 81. I told my mom because she was the one who introduced me to his very special soul, with equal parts of brilliance, erudition, compassion and righteousness. Rev. Coffin is a huge influence on me, and a large reason that I continue to learn from the mainline Christian tradition as well as my Jewish one, and a great source for inspirational quotes (and humorous ones). I'll never forget hearing him speak in Chautauqua just months after his stroke, and his introductory joke that his voice was, as Mark Twain said of Wagner's music, "better than it sounds." Ha!

Others include: Despair is not an option...despair rationalizes. Hope organizes.

"Joy in this world comes from self-fulfillment. Joy is a more profound experience than mere happiness. When you feel a sense of undeserved integrity because you think you're in the right fight - against segregation, against the war in Vietnam, against the stupid and cruel discrimination against gays and lesbians - these are the right fights, I feel very deeply. And the sense of self-fulfillment which comes from being in the right fight is a wonderful thing."

Amen. My prayer, especially on Passover, for myself and everyone, is that we should have that joy and self-fulfillment in our own lives. All the more reason to keep fighting the good fights.

oh, life at Brandeis

2006-04-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

Forgive the preponderance of snarky-nostalgic posts about Deis recently. I think I can be forgiven for a little reminiscing, seeing as my normally scheduled departure is approaching rapidly enough even WITHOUT the possibility of my last few weeks being cut short. I want to record those moments of pride and gratitude for experiences that I could only have here.

Case in point: Three Jews. One raised and still practicing Reform, one raised Con-form and practicing egalitarian neo-Chassidism, one raised Orthodox and practicing flexible halachic observance (got that?). All sitting in the campus coffeeshop and discussing the future of the American Jewish community as inspired by Rabbi Avi Weiss, the founder of Yeshivat Chovevei Torah. Among the topics discussed: How do you create community? What does "open Orthodoxy" mean? what are its limits, especially vis a vis women's participation and welcoming queer Jews? How amazing is it to have a charismatic leader who understands the importance of making religious Judiasm emotionally supportive, socially conscious, and spiritually creative, all while maintaining the credibility of respect for halacha? Isn't it so much cooler to be a modern Orthodox rabbi with wide-ranging knowledge about topics secular and religious, with a sharp critical perspective, than to be a cookie-cutter parroter of a movement's party line (*cough* JTS *cough*)? How do we make living a Jewish life economically viable? How do we properly compensate and value teaching and spiritual leadership?

And really, where else in life is that conversation with those people going to take place spontaneously and with such humor and insight, on a cold Wednesday night? Amazing.

random hilarity

2006-04-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

cause, g-d almighty, do I need some levity right about now. Or a stiff drink. Or both, since they're pretty mutually reinforcing.

So: the funny!!

I was considering changing the tagline on this blog to a quote from Jessica Valenti's (of Feministing) review of Erica Jong's new memoir: "After all, even self-aware egotism is still egotism." But then I thought the universe might implode from the meta-ness of it all. Posting a quote about self-awareness of egotism SELF-REFERENTIALLY...okay, you're all smart people, I really didn't need to explain...

Also, last night in Usdan I was ordering my Tofurky sandwich in my usual spastastic manner ("Can I have it on...the bread that's not pumpernickle but has pumpernickle in it?") and getting a somewhat deserved ribbing from the guy behind the counter. Once mine is on the grill, he starts making the next guy's salami sandwich, and just keeps piling it on.

He remarks to himself, "I just never know when to stop with the salami." Me, under my breath but not nearly enough, apparently: "Boy, if I had a nickle for every time..." Guy behind counter: *wide-eyed look of surprised glee* "Wow, ladies and gentlemen, the most crass comment of the night! Right here!" Me: "Do I get my sandwich for free or something?"

Awe. some. and yet, sad, for look at what passes for enjoyment in my everyday life...

maybe less gay marriage is a good thing

2006-03-30T19:18:00.000-08:00

Got your attention, right?

So the Supreme Court of Massachussetts, land of the "activist judges," ruled today that same-sex couples who are permanent residents of states that ban same-sex marriage cannot get married in MA. First of all, I say as someone not currently in a same-sex relationship that it seems a little futile to get married without corresponding health and legal benefits in your home state, even though it may be symbolically important (I'm thinking of Dan Savage and his husband Terry going to British Columbia in The Kid)

Much as the law seems punitive,especially with statements like "out of state couples are trying to evade the laws of their own states" and "we don't want to be the Las Vegas of same-sex marriages," (way to play to your '08 base, Romney) I can't help but think it will only increase the pressure to make same-sex marriage legal nationwide. Having Massachusetts as this isolated oasis of queer-friendly law kind of makes it acceptable to make gay rights something that only matters "over there," that only applies to those far-away freaks and radicals. Better to say, justice is achieved in one place, for a certain number of people, but the rest of the country needs to catch up. Not, Mass. can be the refugee camp for all the rejected GLBT folk.

Even Chief Justice Margaret Marshall (Brandeis Commencement speaker last year, and total badass) agrees with me. Her opinion says "It is rational for the legislature to take steps to ensure that marriages performed here will hold up elsewhere, and that they will not be ignored by other states." Yeah, homophobe states, it's YOUR problem. Ohio- don't say I didn't warn you.

sometimes TV matters too much in my life

2006-03-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

And I'm not even talking about the Josh-Donna kiss on West Wing, which has since gone missing as a subplot for two weeks. Just...resolve...the goddam plotline already!

I watched Everwood last night (I was TIRED, shut UP), which brought my reaction-pendulum from "proud" to "pissed!!!" with every scene involving the main female characters. The good: Amy decides she needs time away from Ephram (the boy who has consumed her emotional energy for the past four years) to find out who she is and develop her own interests, including a newfound appreciation for feminist theory, yay! The bad: Her best friend Hannah tells her "maybe you SHOULDN'T get over this boyfriend, maybe you should consider getting back together with him, you're unhappy without him," blah-dee-blah.

This same character tells a grown woman that it's good to be the strong one who helps people deal with their own messes when grown woman decides to take care of herself and break up with her addict boyfriend (I'm simplifying a bit here) AND disagrees with Amy volunteering at Planned Parenthood because she doesn't believe in handing out condoms to everyone. So there are ideological reasons why I disagree here, but more than that I HATE HATE HATE the retread of the self-sacrificing, relationship-centered femininity that this character constantly parrots. I have no use for it on my TV, even if it's for the sake of having a different counterpoint.

In positive Planned Parenthood news, my homegirl Cecile Fire Thunder, the newly elected chief of the Oglala Sioux tribe said last week ""I will personally establish a Planned Parenthood clinic on my own land which is within the boundaries of the Pine Ridge Reservation where the State of South Dakota has absolutely no jurisdiction." Boo. Yah.

dear brain:

2006-03-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

C'mon, baby. Let's work together. We can get through this. The fact is, if you're so fucking powerful that you can convince me not to eat tomatoes, which are in EVERYTHING, then you MUST be strong enough to integrate some coherent thoughts on Spheres of Justice and complex equality. It's crunch time, brain. Power ten!

I promise, baby- once you create just ONE though, just a teeny little thesis statement, that's all I'm asking- THEN you can meander endlessly about what to say for the job interview on Wednesday or perhaps slightly more illicit topics. Since you had no trouble coming up with an endless succession of quips and witticisms in New York, this should be easy. C'mon, just a faint little brainpulse. Don't DIE on me, DAMMIT!

some days I just can't take it anymore

2006-03-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

Another striking nugget of eavesdropping, this time at the Women's Studies Research Center.

*feminist scholar of world religions, who also has been stealing office supplies*: "I'm so sorry you won't be able to make my talk next week."

*normal-seeming friend*: "I know, me too."

*FSOWRWAHBSOS*: "It's going to be very important. I'm going to be completely radical and give my take on why monotheism is misogynistic and we need a complete paradigm shift to save ourselves."

That is what she said, VERBATIM.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! PLEASE G-D TELL ME THIS IS SELF-PARODY! I CAN'T...MALFUNCTIONING...PENARCHY!...LIONS!...
Seriously, maam, did you just take words that you think are relevant to feminist discourse and throw darts at them to form a thesis? Are you some sort of cheap Mary Daly knockoff? What the hell? You (and possibly one other person, intitials KE) are the reason feminism is disrespected and marginalized. Please try not to make eye contact with me in the future as the hatred from my gaze may reduce you to ashes.

Only at Brandeis, part 512

2006-03-13T15:32:00.000-08:00

Overheard in the campus center today:

*guy on phone at IT desk* "I'm not a bad Jew! It's PURIM! No, my mom didn't tell me I needed to go!"

Hi. la. rious. I will so miss this place in I-don't-want-to-think-about-how-few days.

the purple vera wang

2006-03-12T20:42:00.000-08:00

Of course, a day involving a purchase of a Vera Wang evening gown (not mine, but someone who will put it to excellent use) must be capped off with the triumphant return of post-Sorkin West Wing, including swirlycam-shot Josh and Donna kiss!!! Aieee! I had to walk off the elated shock. Seriously. Then I called my mom, both of us shrieking in disbelief and joy.

Actually, this was a good-mood inducing kind of day. The aforementioned successful dress shopping (the purchaser owns literally no other nice dresses, and this is so worth it) and an unexpected Trader Joe's run, minus Bird's Nests!!, and a few gifts for favors rendered.

I feel like a baby with a rotating mobile of fun items above my head, only instead of animals it's interesting news tidbits:
Milosevic died! South Dakota banned abortion! Ehud Olmert wants a peace agreement by 2010! And yet none of them catches my fancy enough to rantingly (it's a word, OK) analyze any one in particular. I will say this though: NYTimes needs to stop with the '08 starting-lineup magazine articles: batting first for the Republicans, Chuck Hagel! First up for the Democrats, Mark Warner! Damn, y'all, find something to cover that isn't happening three years from now.

But instead I'm just a superficial girl who cares only for pretty dresses and political soap operas. Fiddle-de-dee!

another blanche dubois kind of day

2006-03-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

I told my father at one point, after a trip where I had to solicit the help of several good Samaritans, that I feel like Blanche Dubois- "Ah have alllwayys depindid on the kahndness of stranguhs." His response was that people must sense something likable or trustworthy in me (he should know, being the king of schmoozing). I said that that "something" was probably desperation or fear.

Today was one of those days. Two last-minute recommendations, the assistance of a friend who I randomly asked for dance pants, a couple others whose help and support did not go unnoticed on this particular day of Holocaust classroom presentation/work/three classes in which I also have to finish an essay/thank you letter writing/friend's presentation/PROJECT RUNWAY finale! The excitement you feel after more-or-less successfully completing all those tasks in a day? probably denial, because you're still stressed and pissed at your compatriot's remarkable bitchiness. Which is why I will now take refuge in Daniel V., Chloe and Santino. Go ahead and tap that vein, cuz it's time to shoot up some fashion-design competitive TV.

my new liberal crusade

2006-03-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

Oh, the feeling is back. That adrenaline of self-righteousness coursing through my veins, the synapses firing a mile a minute to calculate strategy, the bullet-points of attack carefully scribbled on a napkin. Yes, my activist mojo is workin overtime for justice.

What, pray tell, might my cause be? Access to reproductive health facilities? An important election? Ending genocide?

Please, bitches. This time it's all about rescuing October, the best, funniest made-to-order cook in Sherman, and bringing her back to the kosher side where she belongs. Free October!!

living in bizarro world

2006-02-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

Having returned from El Salvador yesterday, I’m just struck by…almost EVERYTHING about my daily life and how different it is from the past week. I think we, meaning Americans and certainly Brandeis students- we are the ones living in surreality, considering how many people in the world live our lifestyle and how many people live more like rural peasants.

I woke up this morning in my apartment, alone. No one was sleeping in the next bed, I had a door to my room, instead of a curtain. There were no roosters crowing or children running around. It was around 10 AM, not 6:30. I have time this morning that isn’t scheduled for anything and yet there is a tremendous sense of urgency, instead of a loose attachment to time in which, paradoxically, more activities are scheduled. I made myself a bagel instead of being served some combination of rolls, plantains, avocadoes, fruit, and sugared coffee. Of course, it’s real cold, instead of a pleasant 87 degrees and sunny.

One thing I NEVER thought I’d say: I kind of miss latrines. Wait, wait- not in the sense that they are AT ALL fun to use or comfortable. But at least latrines never back up (well, they probably do, but let’s move on) and fail to flush- because they DON’T flush at all, genius- and you never have to futilely plunger the latrine and watch your waste matter linger stubbornly, staring you in the face. Our apartment toilet sucks, even if it is the greatest luxury ever.

wonkity wonkity wah-wah-waaaaahhh

2006-02-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

Last night my dad called to inform me that Eric Fingerhut, my gubernatorial candidate of choice and the wagon to which I had hitched my post-grad star, has dropped out of the race. Which sucks on lots of levels- Eric is the most innovative and savvy policy guy of any candidate, totally devoted to Ohio's economic competitveness, and a truly decent, likeable man. I can't say he ran a great campaign ("what campaign" is more like it) and he should have locked up his announcement by November to be viable, but it's a shame nontheless that the Ohio Dems are crowding around Strickland like sheep running from a panther. Yeah, yeah, Strickland's a good guy and he's raised money and his Early Childhood Development plan made me like him quite a bit more- but I'm still voting for a Democrat by default instead of with enthusiasm.

So I'm already reeling from that announcement when PAUL HACKETT announces, with his usual delicacy, that he too is dropping out of his Senate primary, because of backroom manipulations and pressure from party leaders to make way for Sherrod. Again, no secret that I luuurrrve Sherrod and am no fan of Hackett or his reckless, self-aggrandizing decision to run in this race. But a) it's stupid to alienate a charismatic Iraq war veteran loved by the blogosphere from politics entirely, as Hackett claimed (to which I call "drama queen," and say he should have made the responsible decision on his own long ago) and b) it is VERY clumsy of Chris Redfern and the D-trip to apparently nudge two primary contenders out in the same day (or even remove one in close proximity to the resignation of another).

So...some ends are positive, some negative, all are kind of inevitable, and poorly orchestrated. Time to regroup.

abandoning my oh-so-clever gimmick

2006-02-12T20:46:00.000-08:00

Well, my takeoff on James Frey-America-oil addiction memoir was going to be a three-parter, but it's getting old and Tom the Dancing Bug on Salon already made a comic with the exact same joke (I did it first, but his stuff is actually read by lots of people...). The third part would have been "America exposed as a fraud." Ha, right?

Speaking of frauds, I cracked up at the story about Dick Cheney accidentally shooting his hunting buddy. Seriously, where's Justice Scalia when you need him on a hunting trip (what? come on, Ann Coulter wants to put rat poison in Justice Stevens food). I guess we know now how Dick ended up getting all those deferments from serving in Vietnam (twelve, I believe. OK, OK, five, whatever.) Interestingly, he was also a prominent figure in our marathon session of "death is not an option" last night. For those unfamiliar with the game, you have to choose who you would sleep with among two competing repulsive options. These range from lighthearted (i.e. dorky television characters) to truly disturbing (political figures, teachers, friend's parents, etc.) Dick lost out to...pretty much everyone he was up against. Trust me when I say that the "winners" of each round had rather Pyrrhic victories.

America becomes a national phenomenon

2006-02-06T20:13:00.000-08:00

Our interview guest for today is America, author of a fascinating and gripping MEMOIR about recovering from oil addiction. America, welcome. Tell us why you wrote this book, what you were trying to do here.

"I feel like this is the defining story of my generation. Of course it was hard to break free oil, once it's in your system you can never be fully rid of it. but Americans like me, we're tough, we can force ourselves to endure that withdrawl, that awful fucking pain- heck, I rode a bike without even fucking stretching first, I hadn't gone anywhere without a motor in so long, man, this was like two weeks out of oil rehab and I absolutely wanted to die. But I dealt with it, because I knew oil had led me down such a destructive road, and incremental weaning wasn't gonna do it. After you've driven Nascar without a helmet, dude, after you've made a cross-country trip without license plates or a muffler just to enjoy the sound of your engine going and stop at as many gas stations as possible, looking for those highway signs with increasing desperation, you have to just let yourself feel whatever pain youre in, and hybrid cars are for pussies who can't face the reality of their own addictions. "

Let's take some questions:

"your story was so inspiring to me, I decided I would finally sell my car even if it costs me my job, because I have been under the thumb of my need for oil way too long, and you're right, minor adjustments with that false "support" just can't cut it."

Wow. Wow. let's hear from someone else.

"I want to be strong like you, and vomit blood for the sake of slaying my demons on my own- but I don't know how."

"First of all, don't accept compromises. Don’t let anyone fool you that steps programs will redeem you. This is something you have to handle yourself, and when you do that, you'll feel so superior that it replaces whatever is currently filling that void within you."

It is my privilege to recommend the American's new memoir to each and every one of you, so please go out and buy it. Discuss with your friends, and maybe use it to bring about healing for yourself or someone you love.

America breaks into a millon little pieces: an excerpt

2006-02-01T21:18:00.000-08:00

An American is an American. It doesn't matter whether the American is white, black, rich or poor, celebrity or middle-of-nowhere rube. An American's life is consumed by an overwhelming obsession, all-encompassing, overwhelming, smothering, can't-breathe-from-it's-fumes obsession. No light, no happiness, just madness, all the time, and for me, American, it was oil. This is the truth about obsession. The truth is what matters. My truth is what matters.

When I went to oil detox, they had this former auto company exec come and talk to us about how much money he earned back in the day, and how he used to keep a barrel of oil in his backyard, just to admire it, and how women would always ask about that oil, and his cars, and he started sleeping at the office and not talking to his wife, because he was working eighty hours a week and I keep thinking this is all bullshit this is all bullshit I want to throw up...

Three months later (a month after Betsy, my lover, had run away, and I wanted to find her so bad but I had to stay and be strong and beat oil now so I could save her later) and then I walked into that gas station, next to the SUV showroom, because I knew Betsy was there, back on the smack, just gunning her engine over and over and over again and working the stick shift with her hand back and forth and back and forth like she could never let go until it became part of her hand and sunk into her skin like another appendage because she just needed that high of burning fuel inside her and I wanted to jump in that Escalade with her so badly but I knew she couldn't love me if she still loved oil, so I bombed the gas station and dragged her onto my rickshaw to get her away from that madness...

To be continued...

go away, part 1-2

2006-01-30T19:43:00.000-08:00

1. Teach for America. For the love of G-d, leave me alone. Stop emailing me, stop bombarding me with requests to meet with your recruiters, stop intruding on my classes- I know your spiel. I'm not doing your f-in program. If you really want to know, I have major issues with your program in general, and the fact that it's a stopgap measure that damages teacher morale and gives little in the way of long-term benefit to your kids or to the American school system at large. "Eliminate the achievement gap and effect long-term change," my ass. You've been around 15 years, and the achievement gap has grown exponentially, so how much of a difference ARE you making, exactly? But you don't have to answer any of those questions, you just have to back off, because you're barking up a tree so wrong it's not even a tree.

2. Gyms. My poor dad, he really excitedly asked me when we last spoke if I was doing anything "fun" like tennis or dance, and in this case fun also means "physically active," and I feel like I keep dangling this hope in front of him that I will become naturally active and athletic, and it has yet to materialize. But the topic at hand is really about gyms, and working out. I have nothing against being active in general, as long as there's some greater benefit to it- improving my skills at a particular game, or learning a style of dance, or whatever. Rotating on a machine for an hour? I cannot imagine a more futile activity. I've done it, oh yes, many a time. Yeah, endorphins, energy level, blah blah blah. I refuse to submit and put myself through some pointless motion that produces nothing. It's burning excess energy for its own sake. LAME. Really, screw you, fitness. And nature. You wanna give me a tummy? Whatever. Bring it on. I'll see your "inevitable decline" and raise you a "disdainful nonchalance," so bite me, cause I'm still gonna look good naked.

so what did YOU do last night?

2006-01-29T15:52:00.000-08:00

Dude. Lesbian night at the club + free drinks = best. night. ever.

nobility in exile

2006-01-26T22:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight I heard Ala Khaki, a poet and political activist from the days of the Shah in Iran. There is something so touching and heartbreaking about the elegance, the dignity, the soft-spoken kindness mixed with palpable sorrow that characterizes many of the Iranian (Persian?) diaspora that I meet. Khaki was a total professor-grandfather, with his impeccable V-neck argyle sweater and wire-rimmed glasses, reading poems so full of anguish in such a sad, clear voice. He spoke about the torture he endured in the Komiteh prison, his shocked reunion with his parents 12 years after the Revolution, in which they aged 30 years and his brother was murdered, their possessions ransacked, all of these depressing things that characterize so many exile narratives. And then he read a poem about returning to his garden, a garden that could be redeemed. Gardens are an important motif in Persian culture, along with a real value in aesthetics and beauty even amidst such oppression and brutality. Maybe that's what draws me to Iranian history, a respect for a romantic dignity that I perceive as part of their cultural heritage. What I know for sure is that I was unable to tear myself away from Khaki's reading, and his resigned, proud, weary, grateful, beautiful soul.

squeeee!

2006-01-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

So I just had lunch (formal catering, no less) with one of my favorite "celebrities." I say that in quotes because the woman in question is a Harvard Law professor and totally brilliant scholar, as opposed to, say, Heidi Klum. Who is great in her own way. But Heidi Klum did not write my favorite book on post-conflict multiethnic societies, From Vengeance to Forgiveness, nor does she speak about challenges of minorities in the US school system. Words cannot describe my delight at getting to debate the merits and drawbacks of Teach for America with Martha f-ing Minow. That is probably the coolest thing I will do all week, and with that statement I cement my status as a New England academia-bubble obscure-scholar-worshipping cliche.

I'm hawking my DVD set on how to psych yourself out

2006-01-23T17:53:00.000-08:00

I'm totally flipped out about a conversation I had with my father about Eric Fingerhut. Not the conversation, per se, but his reporting that some uber-politically active acquaintances of ours have what I consider exactly the wrong instincts, meaning they gravitate towards the perceived front-runner who is all about biography and not about innovative plans to actually improve Ohio....

You know what, I'm sorry, I had this really smart post I was going to write about Eric and what a great candidate and governor he will be, and my internal conflict about making my post-grad plans work. But the truth is, tonight, I have just been sucking at life. I freaking overmicrowaved bread. Over. microwaved. BREAD. And I just kept spazzing all over myself and dropping stuff and trying to make some declarative statement to Marissa only to have it circle back and contradict itself and it's just pathetic. My tennis game sucked today (something to do with the residual back pain from dancing yesterday?), I made an unfortunate choice in footwear for this slushy, disgusting day when I had to haul ass from Rabb to Spingold and back again- not my hottttt stiletto boots, my chunky-heeled brown ones that nevertheless have NO traction, and I am just going to stop trying to write something intelligent because we'll just end up with a verbal pratfall on our hands, to match the physical comedy that is today.

what does 100+ pounds actually feel like?

2006-01-22T21:52:00.000-08:00

I found out today just how heavy I am, not necessarily in the overweight sense but in the my-muscles-are-atrophied-oh-god-I-am-so-out-of-shape way. My arm felt heavy as I tried to curve it over my head. my feet felt heavy as I tried to pivot and hop. Dance class was a truly humbling experience where I felt like instead of a network of well-oiled muscles, I was a bag of sand that just sags and shifts in different directions. Okay, okay, I'll stop, because I held my own just fine and the self-pity's over the top. but...damn.

Felicity Huffman is my favorite actress

2006-01-17T20:06:00.000-08:00

Yes, I saw Transamerica over break and though FH was astonishing, and I always find her so charming and smart and down-to-earth in interviews and acceptance speeches. She deserves all the recognition she's received from Desperate Housewives and Transamerica, and it's cool that she's married to William H. Macy. But she became my absolute favorite because of her answer to Lesley Stahl on 60 Minutes when asked if motherhood was the best experience of her life.

"No, no and I resent that question, because it puts women in an untenable position."

Thank you, thank you, SOMEBODY finally punctured the whole Hollywood-embraces-the-feminine-mystique myth that all these celebrity moms, cooing over their perfect children who mean so much more than their careers (you know, the ones they spent years building and many hours per week maintaining). I mean, no male Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning actor gets asked if their children trump their personal accomplishments, ya know? And it's not that I believe children aren't all-consuming and wonderful and satisfying and probably are, for most people, the most important things in their lives. I just hate that actresses are constantly forced to downgrade their professional accomplishments below their children. Granted, Felicity didn't address that per se, since the rest of her answer was about how she would be considered a "bad mother" if she didn't give the accepted answer that yes, her children are the best experience of her life. Good or bad mother, the crux of the matter is that your identity as a mother trumps your identity as a person. Says I. But Felicity's answer also highlights an interesting angle, the idea that all these gorgeous, fashionable, fit actresses with nannies and personal trainers and clout to demand babies on set who gush over the nirvana of motherhood are the "good" mothers, an ideal which most normal women could never live up to, and shouldn't. I love that someone who could easily fit in that category has the balls (much like her Trans Am character, heh) to say "I don't know if I'm a good mother." I'm willing to bet you are, Felicity, since you're the kind of mom who would teach her kids to think for themselves and not believe their own hype, and you are a role model for awesomeness. And I offer you a standing lunch invitation, anytime, anywhere.

today's most random encounter award...

2006-01-15T16:45:00.000-08:00

goes to Andy Sorrento, my gregarious Airporter driver AKA uncle of Paul Sorrento, one of my favorite and most nostalgia-inducing baseball players, Cleveland Indians third baseman from 1994 to 1998.

And today's kick-ass award goes to Michelle Bachelet, newly elected president of Chile, former socialist political prisoner. My favorite Chilean since Isabel Allende. Fascinating, this leftist trend in Latin America, first Hugo Chavez, then Evo Morales in Bolivia, and now, with an added bonus of feminist victory, Presidente Bachelet. It's like some Reagan-era Cold War nightmare- in your face, Ronnie!

abdicating outrage = apathy??

2006-01-13T12:31:00.000-08:00

I am done with outrage. I am tired of getting angry and ranting to the choir on political matters. It is a waste of energy, accomplishes nothing, and leaves us drained, and what's more, positions us valiant liberals as merely reactive, which has been our problem all along. We know that the administration is corrupt, mendacious, unscrupulous, greedy, heartless, exploitative, misogynist, homophobic pricks. I can pretty much predict the strategies they will try to pursue both in the legislature and in the media (heck, the Farmer's Almanac can predict that). Likewise, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, Alito is going to get confirmed. And I refuse to be angry about that, because it was a foregone conclusion. This is a numbers game, and the hearings are all theater (clumsy theater, at that). We knew this day would come, and as passionate as I am about choice, at this point it's hard to create further restriction than already exists in some areas. If we have to form clandestine networks like doctors, clergy and activists did in the 60's, so be it. But above all, move on. Regroup. Win in '06.

And the only silver lining, by the way, is that I find it hilarious that Alito enters the Senate with people cheering and asking for autographs. It completely shows how D.C. is Hollywood for ugly people. Where else does a dorky technocratic attorney get to be a rock star? You KNOW this was the moment he planned for all through his con law exams, like, one day all those blond Republican girls will flock to me when I'm a pimpin Supreme Court Justice, WHAT!

Oh, fug girls...

2006-01-10T18:14:00.000-08:00

Welcome home! I just chugged those updated posts like a mango margarita. mmm...delicious.

I have this thing for shomer guys

2006-01-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: content may not be palatable for blood relatives.

Every so often, I encounter a young shomer negiyah guy (an Orthodox Jew who does not touch members of the opposite sex) and am totally engrossed with the possibility of seduction. Not all, by ANY stretch, since most shomer guys are really awkward and not exactly the stuff of fantasy. But it's the ones with a certain magnetism, or charisma, who are really smart and can have a good conversation even though their beliefs differ radically from mine, and, most importantly, they've either been previously married or not religious so they know exactly what they are missing with no physical contact. Stop looking at me like I'm such a perv- lots of people have fantasies about "good girls," we all can appreciate forbidden fruit. Except here it's not forbidden to me, I just relish having that allure as the one-who-is-forbidden. I totally end up thinking "I could crack him. An accidental arm brush here, a little 'what do you think of this lotion,' piece of cake."

Okay, you're right, I am a total perv. And maybe a bit egotistical to boot- Angelina Jolie couldn't crack some of these guys. And now all my shomer negiya friends think I want to jump them. Well, you'll just have to live with that ambiguity, won't you? Actually, not. I am so freaking obvious that if I'm hitting on a shomer guy he knows it, his mother knows it and his rabbi in borough park knows it.

mind-song synergy. songergy? sondergy?

2006-01-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

Ever have a thought and then the exact appropriate song for that thought comes on in some public place? like, say, imagining that you would love to live further uptown in NY than where you are currently staying, mentally joking that you would be a- you guessed it, “uptown girl” only to have the Billy Joel song start playing in the lobby? it’s almost like I DO have that omniscient musical DJ life-narration. inconsistent, but audible in brief, delightful flashes. If I can just get her to stop playing Because of You all the damn time…

Oh G-d, the miners

2006-01-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

Tragic in any case, to be trapped underground with no air, no communication with the outside, any medical care, probably dying a slow and anguished death. But for the families to find out in a church “celebration” over the supposed miracle of their saved lives, and to have it blurted out to all present, including the name of the one survivor- I cannot imaging a more insensitive and devastating way to hear the worst news imaginable.

Yet another category of "slut" that I fall into

2006-01-03T04:08:00.000-08:00

I just read an article entitled "Food Slut," expecting something ENTIRELY different from what I found, which was a sober reflection on years of sponsored gluttony, dazzling and shallow social functions, and a level of reverence for inanimate objects that definitely borders on idolatry. I myself have to concede this round to friends who find the quest to become a foodie unforgiveably self-absorbed and pretentious. Foodies are sometimes totally over the top, and the authors descriptions of fancy dinner parties where guests went into hysterical exultations over, like, a single pea (a new twist on the old story, I guess) or a tiny shred of meat, conversation that revolve around chef and resatuarant gossip- those all rang pretty true for me. So I want to be conscious of that embarrasing stereotype when I inch towards a lifestyle in which I can distinguish quality and freshness and subtlety in flavors, and delight in those things. I had to check myself, though, to see if I was not being persuaded by the supposed glamour and exoticism of the gourmet world that the article (and others) puncture as pathetic artifice. Really, the food writers I enjoy range from Amanda Hesser (who addresses the stigma of her profession admirably, if a bit too obviously, when she claims that one of her favorite foods is toast, and she constantly burns it) to Sarah over at The Delicious Life and Stephanie Vander Weide- people who are genuine in the appreciation, enthusiastic in their praise, and down-to-earth in their dining choices (by foodie standards). I never have patience for pomposity or self-congratulation, especially as far as obscure, elite topics go, least of all here, where it's nearly pandemic. Next time we can talk about why I love Project Runway while being baffled by haute couture's answer to foodies, "clothes sluts."

And since this is getting unbearably long anyway (I'm in the airport, whatever) I have to say, I am disappointed by overreliance on "slut" and "porn" as our descriptive terms for anything that refers to desire or appreciation. It is the opposite of the etymology of "eros," which uses physical desire or attraction as the demonstration for being able to appreciate and delight in anything, even the most abstract thing. Eros is about recognizing the desire we can have for everyone and everything, not just people with whom we want to have sex. It is deductive, it uses a concrete example to illuminate a larger reality. We acknowledge this when we talk about a "friend crush" or a "teacher crush" because we know we can feel drawn to people without wanting to nail them (well, not all the time). By contrast, the whole vocabulary of "food slut" or "fame whore" or "jewlery porn," whatever you got, uses the crudest and most reductive terms for sexual desire to apply to anything, which denigrates instead of elevating our experience of attraction by making it prurient and animalistic.

And somehow I managed to become the pretentious nitpicker I spent the first half of the post mocking. Dammit. Well, my flight's boarding, nothing to do now. If any friends read this and are in New York for the next ten days, call me.

it's fun when your brother fucks up words

2006-01-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

The entire day has gone something like this:

Sam, trying to relay something I said to his friend Aaron: "hey, my Aaron said sister should..."
Sam again: "you know, like, being your own show, director having as you"

whatever, we all mix up words, it's not that funny, except for the final coup de grace:

Me: no, Sam can light the menorah, it's his last night at home.
Sam" no, Mom should light the menorah, it's her last birthday!

You know, written, it's not funny at all. It looks morbid and weird. But those who know my brother will know why this particular malapropism is so him, and why I was unsure for a second if it was unintentional or simply another manifestation of his warped, fantastic sense of humor. He already jokingly accused my father of a hate crime. Maybe you...had to be there...

On a different note, I finally, after several thwarted attempts, saw Brokeback Mountain and I am genuinely still haunted by images of Heath Ledger in shots that just creak with loneliness and desperation. It is a sad, beautiful movie, about which I have nothing more to say that isn't redundant.

shopping makes me dead inside

2005-12-28T11:21:00.000-08:00

Hello, and welcome to another epidoe of "what's up YOUR ass today?" I'm your host, Cranky McJudge-a-lot, and I want to take a minute to thank our generous sponsor, Amy's PMS. Today we'll be examining the retail fashion industry and their inxplicable ability to produce even one pair of black wide-waistband flat front pants with a two-bottom crossover closure and NO pockets or belt loops. There are literally masses of black pants all of which have one if not several tragic flaws and I would THINK it would be pretty SIMPLE to make ONE style without superflous belt loops or lord-give-me-strength SLASH POCKETS. And let's not forget "why yes, plum IS festive, but do you have that otherwise perfect skirt and some sort of NEUTRAL that I couold WEAR???" We produce literally millions of pieces of unwearable crap. seriously. there are just not that many people willing to buy those orange jackets you're flocking. Or that dress with a lovely line but gross appliques. Would it be so difficult to trim our quantity in favor of fewer garments, tailored to one individual's specifications, namely, mine?

I give up. Really. Jay McCarrol, the totally hilarious and amazing winner of Project Runway last year, he could whip up those pants in like 2 days. I...seriously. A personal tailor is looking mighty fine right now, especially when you compare the price with the opportunity cost of fruitless toil in the vineyards of Beachwood mall. Ah, the plight of first world life- when did excess consumption become so much WORK?

a task that I will valiantly attempt

2005-12-25T22:55:00.001-08:00

I would never be so brazen as to attempt what Zach does so brilliantly on Veiled Conceit and write my own NYTimes Wedding Announcements mockage. Zach is a genius. As of late, unfortunately, he appears to be trapped under something heavy and unable to reach his keyboard and POST ALREADY, DAMMIT, I'm DYING over here! And this week's featured announcement was too good to go by unsatirized (I will cut you, Zach, if you think you get Christmas off too.)

In short: bride = black tennis-playing american civil rights lawyer. Groom = Afrikaner (South African of Dutch descent) son of apartheid-era diplomat, also a (human rights) lawyer. Nothing wrong with that per se, it's almost incredibly optimistic. But there's something...bizarre about the way their romance was described

"She likes to-MAY-to, and he likes to-MAH-to, in the South African style. And, of course, she is black. And he is white [in case you missed to PICTURE] In the South Africa of 15 years ago that would have been enough to call the whole thing off."

Is it...FUNNY that their individual differences pale in comparison to dehumanizing racial categories? Is it something you would make into a musical, like an Avenue Q ripoff- Everyone's A Lot Racist (back in the day but we've moved on now, thank you)? cuz...WTF?

Moving on to a different genre, the cliche romantic comedy of bumbling-guy-pursues-beautiful-woman, but too little too late- or is it?

Mr. Nel...went as far as the doorstep of her farewell party in Johannesburg before turning away. A week later he went to the airport to bid her a surprise farewell, only to find that she was ready to board her plane.
"I was desperately pleading, trying to use my power as a public representative to argue that there was a very important visitor I had to see"...but too late: Ms. Robinson had boarded, oblivious of his efforts.

Oooh, very smooth- Please, I'm a public official, here to make a grand romantic gesture. Very James Bond meets Love Actually. How sweet- oh. shit. you MISSED her? perhaps some other, less sweeping attempt to contact her. email. cell phone. Pedestrian, I know, and there's no beauracracy to bypass dashingly. But...Facebook? Maybe?

There's more, but, I will see if the professional sees fit to GET OFF HIS ASS and truly do this announcement justice.

things on demand

2005-12-22T16:38:00.000-08:00

forget movies, y'all. I need EVERYTHING on demand, my favorite TV shows and even particular episodes. I need customized cable so I don't have to flip through CNBC and Turkish news broadcasts. This is not a matter solved with a mere Tivo, because basically I want not just one show recorded at a time, but synchronized broadcasting of multiple shows at the same time so as to feed my ADD. Por ejemplo: Bravo, you need to show West Wing 2.10 (aka Noel). AT THE SAME TIME, TBS, you need to show When Harry Met Sally, a movie I practically have memorized so I don't feel bad about missing most of it, but timed with Bravo's commercials so that I can watch the orgasm-in-the-deli scene and flip right back to WW, and THEN, also at the same time, VHI should have I LOVE THE 80's on so I can catch a quick segment of pop culture hilarity, also in between commercial breaks. You see how this works? A perfectly harmonized symphony of television rather than a mere episode placement that leaves about 20 minutes of boredom flipping to see what else is on, causing me to miss a crucial three minutes of an actual scene!

I'm...a little embarrassed to have thought about this so much. Clearly I need intellectual engagement at all times, or look what happens.

I will add though, that given a choice between an omniscient, invisible DJ programming a soundtrack that follows me and projects my mood like a movie score, and the TV programming symphony? The soundtrack wins, hands-down. And don't even play like you wouldn't be jealous.

Roger Toussaint L'ouverture?

2005-12-21T23:53:00.000-08:00

I can't decide if a play on Roger Toussaint's (the MTA local union president in NY) name is too tasteless given the racial and economic overtones of the transit workers' strike, or simply too esoteric to amuse anyone but me, thus appearing really pretentious. Yeah, it's probably very inappropriate to compare the transit workers to nineteenth-century Haitian slave revolts. Oops.

something that actually matters

2005-12-21T23:43:00.000-08:00

In the wee hours of Monday morning, the House passed the budget reconciliation conference bill 1932. The bill includes crippling cuts in Medicaid, stricter demands on states to receive funding for TANF and child care, and cuts in child support enforcement. The vote was a characteristically close 212-206 (I get the sense that the conservative leadership likes to pass bills with pathetically small margins to show that they refuse to compromise on pieces that might get a broader consensus. You know, just because they can.)

The bill is currently under debate in the Senate, so especially if you are from Ohio, Maine, Oregon, Minnesota, or Pennsylvania, call your senators and express your strongest possible objection to a bill that will result in further strain on the most vulnerable among us, especially children. That's Voinovich and Dewine for Ohio, Snowe and Collins for Maine, Coleman in Minnesota (in Paul Wellstone's seat, I still cannot stomach it), and Specter in Pennnsylvania. I think Chafee (RI) and Nelson (NE) are also persuadable. I know y'all aren't in school for a while, so just dial 800-426-8073 if you don't know the office # and aask to be connected.

Edited: I don't know why this didn't go live until yesterday, I tried to post it on Tuesday. Sorry for that, though not as sorry as I am for all the people hurt by this bill, which passed by a tiebreaker vote from the Vice President. And I add, Cheney isn't really the surprise here, but the fact that too few undecided Republicans were persuaded to vote no.

the home stretch has never felt so...stretchy

2005-12-19T13:00:00.000-08:00

This is one of the longest days/nights I've ever had, after staying up until freakin DAWN to finish my senior essay, collapsing in bed at 7, robotically smacking the snooze button every nine minutes for approximately an HOUR until Marissa shut off my alarm, and emerging, groggy and dehydrated, at noon. My stomach was all "get. up. NOW!" and I was all, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and stomach kind of slaps me and says "if you ever step out on me again with that skank ho Coke and her bitch friend Hazelnut Mocha there will be all kinds of trouble. Do you know who I am? I make you function! Now give me some damn food!" and I, still not quite getting it, weakly protest. Stomach gets all "good cop" and says "I realize it is marginally easier to point and click aimlessly on blog links than to walk ten steps and MICROWAVE something, but I have faith. You can do this." And so I did. Eventually. Ah, sweet nectar of vanilla-almond soy shakes. So replete with so many nutriens, you may be the closest approximation to breastmilk available.

And it did NOT help matters last night that I was listening to one of my jazz mixes and the one song that kept popping up was Peggy Lee singing "I Don't Know Enough About You," like, actually, I DO "know a little bit about a lot of things" (liberal arts, what!) but coincidentally I DON'T know enough about you, paper topic!

And there's still Econ. Woot.

Amy's tips #2: ways to survive finals

2005-12-18T18:14:00.000-08:00

It is possible to be very productive during finals. I myself get a lot done, I read a lot, and generally do many necessary tasks. I'll use my friend Stacey as an example of just how productive you can be. Stacey relayed to me not five minutes ago how she booked a flight, bought Christmas gifts for her sisters, and confirmed a reservation. I would consider that a productive half-hour, in which many things got done that were on her to-do list. Now, none of those crossed-off tasks happened to be reviewing her macroeconomics notes or writing a paper. I am quite fond of that strategy of finals survival in which you complete every task on your list EXCEPT the schoolwork that is making you nauseous from overexposure. Thus, I am updating my blog instead of completing MY paper (yes, the one I was so jubilant about last week. That was the ROUGH DRAFT), along with several other (perhaps lower-priority) things are now officially off my to-do list! Isn't that great?

John Spencer, z''l

2005-12-17T22:55:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a little late in posting this, but over Shabbos I was deeply saddened to hear that John Spencer, aka Leo McGarry on The West Wing, died on Friday. First of all, as friends of mine have also remarked, he definitely looked older than his 58 years, and his death (of a heart attack) is very sudden. As someone who only knew him through his performances and DVD commentary, he just seemed like a wonderful man, generous and brilliant, along with being an incredibly gifted actor. But more importantly, he has an enviable legacy in having portrayed Leo McGarry for six years. The development of this character is such an emblamatic example of television as art, of watching a character develop into a human being, with a life story and flaws and nobility to rival any character in literature. The grace and subtlety with which Spencer crafted this alter ego demonstrates a life well worth celebrating and cherishing.

better than latkes

2005-12-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

Not possible, you say. There is no way that any other Hannukah paraphernalia can compete with latkes.

Clearly, you have not seen the glory of the stilleto menorah. Check that link. right now.

well, THIS is interesting

2005-12-14T21:45:00.000-08:00

Mass. Governor Romney is so totally running for Pres in '08. He's not running for gubernatorial re-election in '06.
Might be pretty attractive- telegenic, Northern, appears moderate even though he's definitely a right-winger. Lots o' money. Could be interesting against Frist (mobilizes the opposition base, long legislative record, some bad press, esp. with Schiavo) and Giuliani or Pataki (too moderate). Watch this one.

economic liberals vs. liberals who care about poor people, part forty-seven

2005-12-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

Oh, Gray Lady. You are a reliable home page, guaranteed to receive an admiring nod from those well-intentioned, vaguely liberal intellectuals glancing at my computer screen. But I no longer read you for news. Just for your Arts, Magazine, and the pretty, rich people getting married. Why? Because of the stark contrast between you, the socially acceptable but unappealing news wife and my hot, illicit news mistress, Salon. Salon published an article a few days ago with actual victims from Katrina lamenting the loss of their homes (or possible future homes) to rapacious casino companies. And then today, the Times lauds the new casino developments in Biloxi as this great source of revenue.

Compare this: Soon after the storm, local and state officials announced that from now on they will locate the casinos on land, within the first 800 feet of Biloxi's shore. Some of this new development will cut directly into East Biloxi's worst-hit sections.
Not surprisingly, rumors fly around these neighborhoods: "The remaining houses will all be flattened for new casinos. There won't be a place for any of us to live around here anymore."

To this: For better or worse, casinos are the source of that rarest commodity along a Gulf Coast battered by Katrina: optimism. "Legalized gaming," said Biloxi's mayor, A. J. Holloway, "is going to be what saves us." These garish Las Vegas refugees are proving resourceful, resilient neighbors by serving as an economic lifeline in a town that lost one-fifth of its housing stock and well over 10,000 jobs.

To be properly Talmudic about this- you're both right. I am not one of THOSE liberals against job creation or business expansion, no no. But I do look for journalism that doesn't just tongue-bathe economic development without exploring how these business will actually take care of the local populations they intend to help (that's why I don't read the Wall Street Journal).

monday= whee!!

2005-12-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

So I finished the rough draft of my senior essay last night/this morning. No matter what happens after this, I have 22 pages of text on the ethic of care in public policy (sorry, I absolutely cannot provide more explanation because I will get nauseous if I mention care theory one more time). So, glorious day, there is a huge weight off my shoulders, and now I can get back to macroeconomic theory, which everyone knows it my true passion.

Also, I'm not gonna lie- I treated myself to a little primping and outfit planning today, and I look pretty bangin. Many compliments on the new green sweater. I can frickin conquer the world.

Two words: geh. valt.

2005-12-01T19:41:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a femilicious day for me (what day isn't really, especially given that my life now is consumed by a major feminist theory paper), but, for you, a few highlights:

The Ayotte v. Planned Parenthood case: aka, the case that demonstrates that being pro-life really IS code for being anti woman, since apparently an exception for bypassing parental notification in a health emergency is TOO BROAD for New Hampshire state legislators, who want to make sure there are no excuses for not giving your parents the chance to veto your reproductive freedom. legislators have been very clear that they considered a "health emergency" exception to the statute that requires notifying parents or getting a waiver from a judge, but conciously rejected it. "Come back with a legal challenge AFTER the law has gone into effect and a woman has been actually harmed" say the conservative justices. Can I ask? Why so much support for requiring a minor to tell their parents about their plans to abort? Because the only situations in which you would have to REQUIRE it, I would think, are in familys that are in some way abusive or, g-d forbid, in which a family member is responsible for the pregnancy. If Americans are repulsed by government interference into a family's decision to let a loved one die (Terri Schaivo, anyone?) then why allow government to interfere in family decision on how to handle abortion? Just because healthy, loving family's that can reach a consensus on how to handle a daughter's pergnancy is the ideal does not mean we can legislate assuming that it is the norm.
This is ALSO known as the case that makes a Roberts-Alito court a frightening tangible dystopia a la the Handmaid's Tale.

Everyone hates Broadsheet, or maybe just one blogger over at frolicanddetour.com. Broadsheet, for people who are not Marissa, is the blog of women-centered news items on Salon. I read it fairly regularly, and particularly enjoy Lynn Harris' funny and insightful items (though I am becoming less and less enamored of Rebecca Traister, partially for reasons I have already detailed here). But I had to come up with some defense of why I like an arguably ghettoizing and patronizing "women's news blog" that also undermines its feminist credentials by including celebrity gossip. Well, here it is: Broadsheet doesn't detract from main-page coverage of important feminist issues at Salon, first of all. It is not an isolated source for women-focused news items. It is, however, a useful clearinghouse for soudbites and small news items that otherwise get lost in the shuffle, like one about a talented Afghani poet who was beaten to death by her husband. By combining these items and making them accessible, you get more readers and give the information greater credibility. As to the celebrity gossip- We live and think on a spectrum of sacred and profane, substantive and superficial, and acknowledging and celebrating that makes for a richer, more human and more grounded publication than one that insists solely on high-minded debates. After all, I'm not afraid to put my narcissistic musings about the pertness of my butt next to dorky political thoughts, because, well, those are all parts of my life.

FMLA craziness. I really don't feel like going into a discussion of our fucking sweatshirt slogan debacle but suffice it to say that feminism is not served when one person's personal agenda is imposed on a divided group under the misleading rhetoric of "I want to have a choice available [and screw you because if you are hurt by my preferred representation]." I HATE the idea of a feminist shirt defining our philosophy by something so reviled and cliche as not wearing a bra, but I hate even more oblivious self-righteousness of so-called leaders who pay lip service to democratic decision making and then guilt-trip people who disagree with them when the group doesn't reach the decision THEY wanted.

wonkity wonkity #1: Ohio gubernatorial update

2005-11-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

I just received an email from "Mike Coleman" announcing that he is dropping out of the gubernatorial race to be with his family and devote himself to his mayoral duties.

The interesting thing now is, first of all, consider whether there was pressure to consolidate the primary and get behind Strickland, and whether that pressure is coming from the Democratic party. If so, will there be any other candidates getting into the governor's race? Why are so many people getting behind Strickland when, frankly, a successful, popular black mayor of a city could get more support in what is essentially an urban and suburban election? Granted, Coleman's campaign failed to fulfill the potential of the candidate, and Strickland can check off certain boxes like "minister" and "NRA member" and "southern Ohio," but those signifiers do not necessaraly add up to a compelling candidate.

Also, if the party is trying to streamline the primary, especially given the events of last week with Jean Schmidt's gaffe in the House, is Hackett going to reconsider running for that House seat he lost so closely instead of going against Sherrod Brown?

Am I...

2005-11-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

a terrible person because when I saw a woman with an especially saggy, jiggly, flat-cheeked yet wide butt in the airport, my thoughts were as follows?
"Dear G-d: after you are done helping us humans end hunger, war, violence, and greed, could the next item on your list of priorities be making sure that when fat starts to transfer to my ass (and I know it will, though I have been lucky so far) that is does so in a magically gravity-defying, J-Lo shelf-ass way instead of whatever that sister has goin on? Thank you."

random thought roundup

2005-11-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

threads of things I've been thinking about for the past few days:

- So one of the things I did during this busy and fulfilling weekend was see the Tim Miller-Brandeis students workshop piece. I was really impressed, I though the pieces were really honest and touching, everyone had good presence and nice pacing on their monologues, and it reminded me of the good parts of my high school Ensemble experience. One thing I found very interesting was the fact that many of my friends were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, which by all (second-hand) accounts is very much an end-of-childhood narrative, a tentative yet inevitable step out of their enchanted world into one more dangerous (you know, romantic rejection, magical death-matches, the usual adolescent bildungsroman). With that backdrop in mind, I guess I was really struck by the coming-of-age nature of most of the students' stories- growing into a more fearless self, manifested into a butchier aesthetic, for my lovely friend Sarah, or literally growing out of a nurturing Indian household, or shaving one's head to symbolically join the circle of bald and highly accomplished men in one's family. Nothing new under the sun to circle back to the coming of age narrative, but as a theme it merged the very specific Brandeis performance with the blockbuster film being watched at that very same moment by my friends.

- I'm starting to get to the bottom of my private fascination with liberal Christianity (as a phenomenon, not a personal path). Frankly I'm a little creeped out by the assumption that I think is at the bottom of said interest. Basically, I'm worried that I assume that anyone who works for social justice typically does so ONLY out of their own experience of injustice or lack of privilege, That is the reason I basically take Jewish liberalism for granted (though of course that's changing) and the reason I essentially see the social justice activism of wealthy, white, educated males like William Sloane Coffin as somehow purer in their motives, purer because it must be more ideological since their sense of injustice is less rooted in personal experience. Part of me feels like, OK, so what? but part of me thinks this is deeply disturbing, because it valorizes people of privilege for transcending their privilege (while probably still benefiting from it) over people who actually suffer from oppression.

- A lot of theatre-going recently for me, which is interesting only because, chicken-or-egg-you-decide, I have some interest in performing in something next semester- Vagina Monologues, maybe, or a play, whatever. I haven't done so since high school, so it's interesting that now I want to get back in the game. I guess the combined effect of Umbrellas of Cherbourg, Tim Miller, both solo show and ensemble work, and something else I can't quite remember is to reignite my interest in performing instead of spectating.

-Wonderful article on C.S. Lewis in this week's New Yorker (see? another liberal Christian figure occupying my fascination).
I think I really like Adam Gopnik.

-Shout out to Becky S! I had a blast with you this week. I wish I knew how to quit YOU! No I don't- you can be the Heath Ledger to my Jake Gyllenhaal anytime.

one Democrat rediscovers his spine, buried under mounds of doughy flesh

2005-11-17T13:25:00.000-08:00

um...better late than never, I guess, for criticism of Iraq war rationale, execution, and strategy (or lack thereof) from the likes of Rep John Murtha (D-PA). He said today that the Iraq campaign is "a flawed policy wrapped in illusion" and called for immediate troop withdrawl (I almost typed truth withdrawl, which is in fact what I am going through after 6 years of this administration) after being all gung-ho three years ago.

good thing I have this time machine to take us back to 2002...when plenty of other people forsaw that revelation- oh. right.

But really, the important thing is- damn, that man is jowly. I cannot for the life of me think of the right side-by-side, but oh please please, someone think of the proper pasty, wrinkly, jowly cartoon character with beady dark eyes. Literary characters are easy- he's clearly Drummle, aka Spider, from Great Expectations. But what cartoon character is he??? this will drive me nuts.

for G-d's sake...

2005-11-16T21:23:00.000-08:00

conjure for me, if you will, the gustatory nirvana that is fresh guacamole. the buttery, hefty puree of avocado, the piquant citrus juice, the biting salt and cayenne pepper, and perhaps some crisp chunks of red onion or cilantro.

so what is missing from that Platonic ideal of guacamole?

oh, yes, the one ingredient so inessential, so misplaced, that you almost forgot people would include it.
Tomato.

It NEVER belongs in guacamole (if I ran the world, it wouldn't belong in anything, but I'm taking baby steps here).

Amy's tips #1: dealing with awkward academic encounters

2005-11-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

There is one invaluable social-graces tool that can almost always be used with great effect in one particular situation:
Trying to announce your departure to a superior (like, say, a professor) who is engaged in other conversation without rudely interrupting. Yes, I speak of the humble "arm touch." A nice upper-arm brush will usually get a turnaround, the moment eye contact is established, breathe a quick "I'm about to go, but I just wanted to say goodbye/thank you/I'll email you [whatever]" and the whole fidgeting-adjacent-to-the-conversation-circle charade is over.

I have passed this wisdom to many a timid undergrad at a department reception. Go forth, and use your power for good.

the one where Amy doesn't rant about feminism or politics

2005-11-13T21:33:00.000-08:00

Several close friends know that my poetry workshop has been one of the highlights of my semester and has opened up a wonderful new world of both other people's work and my own (admittedly thin and probably embryonic). Occasionally I will have to indulge in a flight of personal journal fancy, and write up a particularly affecting poem the instant I read it. Hence, Vernacular by Morri Creech:

And when he listened
it was like the wind that rinses the first bird-notes from the larch trees
winnows the pollen from leaf-down
sows witchgrass and thistle
that harrows the surface of the waters
that in summer is the lush fever of mosquitoes and rivershine
and in winter snags the ribs of scattered leaves,
that plays the low notes of the locust wing
and, formless itself, imposes
upon the forms of limestone and hollowed reeds;
that unravels its story
to the acres of fenceline and pasture,
to the sun-cluttered joists and rafters of bankrupt churches,
that in childhood is sweetness
at the tops of sycamores
and in adulthood the rememberance of sweetness
amid the dry sheaves
and the one cardinal's feather splayed in the field,
that swells to a consummate music
and contracts to a held breath
that is balm of the honeysuckle
balm of clover and mint,
that stirs bees from their hives
and wasps from their paper cathedrals
that forges its burnished imprint on the river,
that sculpts an absence
sculpts the one syllable held in the dumb mouths of statues
that raises only its own name
praises its own dust
and hastens towards the silence of its own beginnings.

no, seriously

2005-11-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

I was complaining to Dara today about how I felt like such a square now that I've started to feel uncomfortable about saying "bitch" as in "you're doing bitch work" or "you're her bitch." Like, I promised I would never be one of "those" feminists that constantly quibble over semantics (i.e., woman vs. womyn). And though I realize that bitch as a term is gender neutral, it still reinforces ideas about subjugation and inferior labor that were at one time rooted in gender hierarchy, and therefore isn't that funny. So I'm explaining all of this to Dara, and her perfectly deadpan response is "well, you know, most things aren't funny." I crack up, because it's so true- we would be horrified at most of the "funny" things we say were they not in jest. So we've decided that nothing is funny.

Except this, which was our attempt to convey how much we would dominate our Econ test without reinforcing dominant-submissive hierarchies:
"We're gonna rock that test"
"Yeah, rock that test like a cradle."

oh, SHAKIRA

2005-11-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

Listen, Shakira: I defended you when all my Anglo friends thought you were a mere Charo reincarnation. I defended you when Laundry Service featured songs that were far beneath your skill and intelligence because you wanted to cross over. I defended you when my roomate said you were anti-Israel and had made comments to that effect on MTV (probably not true).

But this is the last straw. In a profile in today's Times, you come off so intelligent, so cultured, so in control, all those excellent qualities that make you a great singer and a great role model. And then you ruin it all by saying this:

"I don't want to sound like a feminist saying this. But it's true, it's a man's world."

Guess what? You ARE a feminist, you LIVE feminism, given that you've controlled your own production for ten years, that you write songs about women being independent, and about women expressing and pursuing their own sexual pleasure. If you're afraid of the label somehow tainting you as an angry man-hater, I assure you that no one who has seen your videos will ever assume that. Given a golden oppportunity to elevate (or at least not denigrate) the popular view of feminism, you chose to revert to old superficial stereotypes. I'm genuinely sad that you could be that lame. I hope somebody will remember that it is feminism that allows so many amazing women to be who they are and succeed as wildly as they have.

M. and I become one in fashion snark

2005-11-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

So tonight at this bar, while appreciating the excellent sounds of Great Day for a Race, I was dumbstruck by a young woman wearing, G-d help me, a CROPPED ribbed mock-turtleneck in a gross pale pink. When I say cropped I mean the shirt stopped about three inches below the breasts, which she chose to pair with jeans that literally skimmed the beginning of her pubic region. The combined effect was exposure of her entire hipbone, including that diagonal muscle where the torso meets the leg, gross, and her abnormally low belly button.

I knew I could count on my flatmate to know EXACTLY what I was talking about in two words. Sweet lord. She and I are in fact becoming the same person, I'm confirming the rumors right now.

Pelvis girl: why, WHY, would you expose the lower abdominals- to quote the Fug Girls, "why would she wear something that exposes the exact ring of skin that every woman wants to conceal?...Even if you're all firm and shit there, it still looks, from afar, like you're prancing around with your muffin top out! " And? did I mention? I really don't want to know the precision level of your bikini wax.

ohio sucks sometimes

2005-11-09T21:12:00.000-08:00

So, propositions 2-5 on the Ohio ballot, all intended to reform the way elections are conducted in the fraud-riddled Buckeye state, FAILED yesterday. Frankly, I didn't follow the campaign closely enough to understand why this happened or how close the vote might have been, but I can bet that none of my friends at Kenyon who waited NINE HOURS exactly a year ago to vote at one of the TWO machines at their polling place...yeah, I know none of them voted against the measures. Not that the liberal-arts college students are the barometer you want to use for Ohio as a whole, but SERIOUSLY, who votes AGAINST making voting easier and fairer? Or a panel to examine possible corruption in voting processes? Is this just a matter of "my candidate won, therefore any criticisms about the legitimacy of the vote must be partisan muckraking in disguise"? How pathetic.

It's an off-year, election-wise, and I gotta wonder who these oxymoronic anti-democracy base voters are. Because (and I'm stretching here, perhaps) if these are the old-school conservative people who are bitter about losing their manufacturing jobs who ALSO apparently hold democracy in such distaste, well, I know lots of countries like, say, China, where they can manufacture plenty o'stuff without having to vote at all, or ruin it for the rest of us.

in case you need a chaser

2005-11-09T17:20:00.000-08:00

Just a follow-up on that dissertation-length Maureen Dowd post, only on a different topic entirely.
Dominique du Villepin’s recognition that (sacre bleu!) there are racial minorities in france and they might suffer discrimination:

My mom and I were talking several years ago about the whole banning-headscarves thing and my one-line dismissal was “ah, what a typically French way to deal with the problem of minorities and pluralism: just pretend its not there.” After all, we are all French, all the same, egalite, fraternite, who would want to be anyone other than generic European French?

So now, in the exception that proves my point, it is this BFD that the prime minister, after two weeks of rioting acknowledges that perhaps, we might be a bit of a racist society after all. Warning, EU- Turkey is not your biggest challenge on cultural openness and integration. Check your own back yards and see if there might be some structural discrimination against all the colonial brown people you conquered back in the day who are now living in your countries. Because, they are clearly not taking that shit any more.

On this Maureen Dowd thing

2005-11-08T21:19:00.000-08:00

First of all, Maureen Dowd and Joan Didion must share a publicist who specializes in getting book excerpts published as cover articles in the New York Times Magazine with simultaneous profiles in New York magazine and other mediagasm landmarks. Note to NYT Magazine: Next time you use your cover as a marketing tool for yet another book that you hack to pieces to fit inside nine pages we are going to have a SERIOUS talk about integrity and exploitation.

To catch everyone up to speed, Maureen Dowd published an excerpt from her book “Are Men Necessary” as the cover article for the NYT Magazine 2 weeks ago. The piece came off as a fluffy, elitist dismissal of feminist gains, saying that men are intimidated by smart women and younger chicks are regressing to become old-school flirts or housewives. It inspired a flurry of irate blog posts and exasperated articles ranging from “post-feminist” Katie Roiphe to Eileen McNamara, along with being in the top five Most Emailed every day since being published. I figured I would let the first-round contenders fight it out over the obvious criticisms and defenses, and wait to see where the more substantive critiques developed.

Well, Rebecca Traister, who is typically a good feminist compass, has published her article, in which she tries her hardest to defend Dowd even while acknowledging the tiring too-clever-by-lots-more-than-a-half nature of Dowd’s writing:

“What she has to say in this book is sometimes crass, often recycled from old columns, intermittently sloppy, consistently over-generalized and rooted too firmly in her own rarefied D.C.-N.Y. corridor of power.”

Yet for Traister, Dowd is asking important questions about singlehood and womanhood and whether a highly successful life full of family, friends, career and passions can be complete without men. I say, you cannot give poor analysis credit for effort, especially when the presentation is so self-destructive.

Sloppy on social research? Check (Barnett and Rivers rock my world). Writing so self-referential it practically preens itself? Check. I couldn’t agree more with the quote “One wishes that, instead of devoting herself to zinginess, to ripostes and one-liners, she would use her threatening intelligence to unearth the deeper complexities of her subject.” And therein lies my ultimate frustration with MoDo.

Maureen. Please. If your writing were sharper, clearer, less inclined to hyperbole and caricature, I would be thrilled to hear your thoughts on upper-class educated white women’s dating practices (hell, I’d take plenty of notes). I would be proud that you were the sole bearer of a double X chromosome on the NYT op-ed page, pathetic as that statistic may be.

If you’re asking if men are necessary, then ASK it, give some thesis, say “this is my life and it is satisfying in such and such way” or “this is my life- as rich as it is, I still need love or a partner” Don’t dance around the question the way your columns dance around everything from saying “President Bush is a liar” to “I fantasize about George Stephanapoulous.”

Dowd defends her playful-like-a-fox style and emphasis on personality over policy in her New York Magazine profile: “I didn’t want to do women’s issues per se, but I did want to look at things through a woman’s eyes.I always thought that criticism was just silly . . . as if it was a girlish thing to be focused on the person.” Michael Kinsley from the Washington Post backs her up, saying “I thought that she would get pegged as a girl and not taken seriously, but she in fact sort of reinvented the column as a form…

(P.S., Ariel Levy, author of said profile? Why is it OK for Maureen Dowd to be sex-positive while the rest of us are Female Chauvinist Pigs? Oh, that’s right, your book is sensationalistic, poorly researched crap.)

Where was I? It’s not enough to bring “a woman’s eyes”, since, for one thing, you cannot essentialize women so casually, but more importantly, why label a woman’s perspective as anti-logic or substance, focusing on what is pejoratively called the “fluff”? Dowd’s whole coquettish “am I or aren’t I?”, “Do I think this? Or not?” schtick makes her a bad spokesperson for the relevance of feminism, since her meta message that we extrapolate from her persona and her writing places women back into the stereotype of imprecise, hyperemotional rambling. You know those women, can’t argue a point, just go on emotion and intuition.

Now if you want to argue to me that Maureen Dowd is the successor to Helene Cixous, pioneering some new epistemological frontier, some new woman’s way of knowing or speaking in a non-linear, non phallogocentric way then bring it, but for now, I call foul: you have no credibility on feminism if you insist on representing women’s work and thought in a prominent public forum as no more than flamboyant pageantry.

about the name

2005-11-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

Curious which Bill Nye episode the blog title comes from? Psych! Not a Mr. Wizard term at all but actually excerpted from Nicky Finney’s poem "Jacques Costeau" from The World is Round:

But even at this young age I realize
I am five parts water three parts magnet
and positively electrical
about the things that matter most.

Yeah. I love that.
She's electric! do-do-do-dodoo do doo doo-doo

captain judgmental in the hizzayyy!!

2005-11-07T21:43:00.000-08:00

Wow. My very own blog, such an awesome responsibility. Will my verbal dexterity translate to the written word, or am I really destined to be a mere armchair blogger? Is there a better term than armchair something-or-other? because, really, all blogging is done from a chair of some kind. bed. some structure that denotes a lack of manual labor. that's the entire point, really, other than narcissitic self-gratification...

wait..is that captain judgmental, coming to smack the pretentious out of me? Yes, yes it- ow! OK, I'll stop rambling self-conciously (she wrote in her typical meta-commentary fashion)