shopping makes me dead inside

Hello, and welcome to another epidoe of "what's up YOUR ass today?" I'm your host, Cranky McJudge-a-lot, and I want to take a minute to thank our generous sponsor, Amy's PMS. Today we'll be examining the retail fashion industry and their inxplicable ability to produce even one pair of black wide-waistband flat front pants with a two-bottom crossover closure and NO pockets or belt loops. There are literally masses of black pants all of which have one if not several tragic flaws and I would THINK it would be pretty SIMPLE to make ONE style without superflous belt loops or lord-give-me-strength SLASH POCKETS. And let's not forget "why yes, plum IS festive, but do you have that otherwise perfect skirt and some sort of NEUTRAL that I couold WEAR???" We produce literally millions of pieces of unwearable crap. seriously. there are just not that many people willing to buy those orange jackets you're flocking. Or that dress with a lovely line but gross appliques. Would it be so difficult to trim our quantity in favor of fewer garments, tailored to one individual's specifications, namely, mine?

I give up. Really. Jay McCarrol, the totally hilarious and amazing winner of Project Runway last year, he could whip up those pants in like 2 days. I...seriously. A personal tailor is looking mighty fine right now, especially when you compare the price with the opportunity cost of fruitless toil in the vineyards of Beachwood mall. Ah, the plight of first world life- when did excess consumption become so much WORK?

a task that I will valiantly attempt

I would never be so brazen as to attempt what Zach does so brilliantly on Veiled Conceit and write my own NYTimes Wedding Announcements mockage. Zach is a genius. As of late, unfortunately, he appears to be trapped under something heavy and unable to reach his keyboard and POST ALREADY, DAMMIT, I'm DYING over here! And this week's featured announcement was too good to go by unsatirized (I will cut you, Zach, if you think you get Christmas off too.)

In short: bride = black tennis-playing american civil rights lawyer. Groom = Afrikaner (South African of Dutch descent) son of apartheid-era diplomat, also a (human rights) lawyer. Nothing wrong with that per se, it's almost incredibly optimistic. But there's something...bizarre about the way their romance was described

"She likes to-MAY-to, and he likes to-MAH-to, in the South African style. And, of course, she is black. And he is white [in case you missed to PICTURE] In the South Africa of 15 years ago that would have been enough to call the whole thing off."

Is it...FUNNY that their individual differences pale in comparison to dehumanizing racial categories? Is it something you would make into a musical, like an Avenue Q ripoff- Everyone's A Lot Racist (back in the day but we've moved on now, thank you)? cuz...WTF?

Moving on to a different genre, the cliche romantic comedy of bumbling-guy-pursues-beautiful-woman, but too little too late- or is it?

Mr. Nel...went as far as the doorstep of her farewell party in Johannesburg before turning away. A week later he went to the airport to bid her a surprise farewell, only to find that she was ready to board her plane.
"I was desperately pleading, trying to use my power as a public representative to argue that there was a very important visitor I had to see"...but too late: Ms. Robinson had boarded, oblivious of his efforts.

Oooh, very smooth- Please, I'm a public official, here to make a grand romantic gesture. Very James Bond meets Love Actually. How sweet- oh. shit. you MISSED her? perhaps some other, less sweeping attempt to contact her. email. cell phone. Pedestrian, I know, and there's no beauracracy to bypass dashingly. But...Facebook? Maybe?

There's more, but, I will see if the professional sees fit to GET OFF HIS ASS and truly do this announcement justice.

things on demand

forget movies, y'all. I need EVERYTHING on demand, my favorite TV shows and even particular episodes. I need customized cable so I don't have to flip through CNBC and Turkish news broadcasts. This is not a matter solved with a mere Tivo, because basically I want not just one show recorded at a time, but synchronized broadcasting of multiple shows at the same time so as to feed my ADD. Por ejemplo: Bravo, you need to show West Wing 2.10 (aka Noel). AT THE SAME TIME, TBS, you need to show When Harry Met Sally, a movie I practically have memorized so I don't feel bad about missing most of it, but timed with Bravo's commercials so that I can watch the orgasm-in-the-deli scene and flip right back to WW, and THEN, also at the same time, VHI should have I LOVE THE 80's on so I can catch a quick segment of pop culture hilarity, also in between commercial breaks. You see how this works? A perfectly harmonized symphony of television rather than a mere episode placement that leaves about 20 minutes of boredom flipping to see what else is on, causing me to miss a crucial three minutes of an actual scene!

I'm...a little embarrassed to have thought about this so much. Clearly I need intellectual engagement at all times, or look what happens.

I will add though, that given a choice between an omniscient, invisible DJ programming a soundtrack that follows me and projects my mood like a movie score, and the TV programming symphony? The soundtrack wins, hands-down. And don't even play like you wouldn't be jealous.

Roger Toussaint L'ouverture?

I can't decide if a play on Roger Toussaint's (the MTA local union president in NY) name is too tasteless given the racial and economic overtones of the transit workers' strike, or simply too esoteric to amuse anyone but me, thus appearing really pretentious. Yeah, it's probably very inappropriate to compare the transit workers to nineteenth-century Haitian slave revolts. Oops.

something that actually matters

In the wee hours of Monday morning, the House passed the budget reconciliation conference bill 1932. The bill includes crippling cuts in Medicaid, stricter demands on states to receive funding for TANF and child care, and cuts in child support enforcement. The vote was a characteristically close 212-206 (I get the sense that the conservative leadership likes to pass bills with pathetically small margins to show that they refuse to compromise on pieces that might get a broader consensus. You know, just because they can.)

The bill is currently under debate in the Senate, so especially if you are from Ohio, Maine, Oregon, Minnesota, or Pennsylvania, call your senators and express your strongest possible objection to a bill that will result in further strain on the most vulnerable among us, especially children. That's Voinovich and Dewine for Ohio, Snowe and Collins for Maine, Coleman in Minnesota (in Paul Wellstone's seat, I still cannot stomach it), and Specter in Pennnsylvania. I think Chafee (RI) and Nelson (NE) are also persuadable. I know y'all aren't in school for a while, so just dial 800-426-8073 if you don't know the office # and aask to be connected.

Edited: I don't know why this didn't go live until yesterday, I tried to post it on Tuesday. Sorry for that, though not as sorry as I am for all the people hurt by this bill, which passed by a tiebreaker vote from the Vice President. And I add, Cheney isn't really the surprise here, but the fact that too few undecided Republicans were persuaded to vote no.

the home stretch has never felt so...stretchy

This is one of the longest days/nights I've ever had, after staying up until freakin DAWN to finish my senior essay, collapsing in bed at 7, robotically smacking the snooze button every nine minutes for approximately an HOUR until Marissa shut off my alarm, and emerging, groggy and dehydrated, at noon. My stomach was all "get. up. NOW!" and I was all, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and stomach kind of slaps me and says "if you ever step out on me again with that skank ho Coke and her bitch friend Hazelnut Mocha there will be all kinds of trouble. Do you know who I am? I make you function! Now give me some damn food!" and I, still not quite getting it, weakly protest. Stomach gets all "good cop" and says "I realize it is marginally easier to point and click aimlessly on blog links than to walk ten steps and MICROWAVE something, but I have faith. You can do this." And so I did. Eventually. Ah, sweet nectar of vanilla-almond soy shakes. So replete with so many nutriens, you may be the closest approximation to breastmilk available.

And it did NOT help matters last night that I was listening to one of my jazz mixes and the one song that kept popping up was Peggy Lee singing "I Don't Know Enough About You," like, actually, I DO "know a little bit about a lot of things" (liberal arts, what!) but coincidentally I DON'T know enough about you, paper topic!

And there's still Econ. Woot.

Amy's tips #2: ways to survive finals

It is possible to be very productive during finals. I myself get a lot done, I read a lot, and generally do many necessary tasks. I'll use my friend Stacey as an example of just how productive you can be. Stacey relayed to me not five minutes ago how she booked a flight, bought Christmas gifts for her sisters, and confirmed a reservation. I would consider that a productive half-hour, in which many things got done that were on her to-do list. Now, none of those crossed-off tasks happened to be reviewing her macroeconomics notes or writing a paper. I am quite fond of that strategy of finals survival in which you complete every task on your list EXCEPT the schoolwork that is making you nauseous from overexposure. Thus, I am updating my blog instead of completing MY paper (yes, the one I was so jubilant about last week. That was the ROUGH DRAFT), along with several other (perhaps lower-priority) things are now officially off my to-do list! Isn't that great?

John Spencer, z''l

So, I'm a little late in posting this, but over Shabbos I was deeply saddened to hear that John Spencer, aka Leo McGarry on The West Wing, died on Friday. First of all, as friends of mine have also remarked, he definitely looked older than his 58 years, and his death (of a heart attack) is very sudden. As someone who only knew him through his performances and DVD commentary, he just seemed like a wonderful man, generous and brilliant, along with being an incredibly gifted actor. But more importantly, he has an enviable legacy in having portrayed Leo McGarry for six years. The development of this character is such an emblamatic example of television as art, of watching a character develop into a human being, with a life story and flaws and nobility to rival any character in literature. The grace and subtlety with which Spencer crafted this alter ego demonstrates a life well worth celebrating and cherishing.

better than latkes

Not possible, you say. There is no way that any other Hannukah paraphernalia can compete with latkes.

Clearly, you have not seen the glory of the stilleto menorah. Check that link. right now.

well, THIS is interesting

Mass. Governor Romney is so totally running for Pres in '08. He's not running for gubernatorial re-election in '06.
Might be pretty attractive- telegenic, Northern, appears moderate even though he's definitely a right-winger. Lots o' money. Could be interesting against Frist (mobilizes the opposition base, long legislative record, some bad press, esp. with Schiavo) and Giuliani or Pataki (too moderate). Watch this one.

economic liberals vs. liberals who care about poor people, part forty-seven

Oh, Gray Lady. You are a reliable home page, guaranteed to receive an admiring nod from those well-intentioned, vaguely liberal intellectuals glancing at my computer screen. But I no longer read you for news. Just for your Arts, Magazine, and the pretty, rich people getting married. Why? Because of the stark contrast between you, the socially acceptable but unappealing news wife and my hot, illicit news mistress, Salon. Salon published an article a few days ago with actual victims from Katrina lamenting the loss of their homes (or possible future homes) to rapacious casino companies. And then today, the Times lauds the new casino developments in Biloxi as this great source of revenue.

Compare this: Soon after the storm, local and state officials announced that from now on they will locate the casinos on land, within the first 800 feet of Biloxi's shore. Some of this new development will cut directly into East Biloxi's worst-hit sections.
Not surprisingly, rumors fly around these neighborhoods: "The remaining houses will all be flattened for new casinos. There won't be a place for any of us to live around here anymore."

To this: For better or worse, casinos are the source of that rarest commodity along a Gulf Coast battered by Katrina: optimism. "Legalized gaming," said Biloxi's mayor, A. J. Holloway, "is going to be what saves us." These garish Las Vegas refugees are proving resourceful, resilient neighbors by serving as an economic lifeline in a town that lost one-fifth of its housing stock and well over 10,000 jobs.

To be properly Talmudic about this- you're both right. I am not one of THOSE liberals against job creation or business expansion, no no. But I do look for journalism that doesn't just tongue-bathe economic development without exploring how these business will actually take care of the local populations they intend to help (that's why I don't read the Wall Street Journal).

monday= whee!!

So I finished the rough draft of my senior essay last night/this morning. No matter what happens after this, I have 22 pages of text on the ethic of care in public policy (sorry, I absolutely cannot provide more explanation because I will get nauseous if I mention care theory one more time). So, glorious day, there is a huge weight off my shoulders, and now I can get back to macroeconomic theory, which everyone knows it my true passion.

Also, I'm not gonna lie- I treated myself to a little primping and outfit planning today, and I look pretty bangin. Many compliments on the new green sweater. I can frickin conquer the world.

Two words: geh. valt.

Well, it's been a femilicious day for me (what day isn't really, especially given that my life now is consumed by a major feminist theory paper), but, for you, a few highlights:

The Ayotte v. Planned Parenthood case: aka, the case that demonstrates that being pro-life really IS code for being anti woman, since apparently an exception for bypassing parental notification in a health emergency is TOO BROAD for New Hampshire state legislators, who want to make sure there are no excuses for not giving your parents the chance to veto your reproductive freedom. legislators have been very clear that they considered a "health emergency" exception to the statute that requires notifying parents or getting a waiver from a judge, but conciously rejected it. "Come back with a legal challenge AFTER the law has gone into effect and a woman has been actually harmed" say the conservative justices. Can I ask? Why so much support for requiring a minor to tell their parents about their plans to abort? Because the only situations in which you would have to REQUIRE it, I would think, are in familys that are in some way abusive or, g-d forbid, in which a family member is responsible for the pregnancy. If Americans are repulsed by government interference into a family's decision to let a loved one die (Terri Schaivo, anyone?) then why allow government to interfere in family decision on how to handle abortion? Just because healthy, loving family's that can reach a consensus on how to handle a daughter's pergnancy is the ideal does not mean we can legislate assuming that it is the norm.
This is ALSO known as the case that makes a Roberts-Alito court a frightening tangible dystopia a la the Handmaid's Tale.

Everyone hates Broadsheet, or maybe just one blogger over at frolicanddetour.com. Broadsheet, for people who are not Marissa, is the blog of women-centered news items on Salon. I read it fairly regularly, and particularly enjoy Lynn Harris' funny and insightful items (though I am becoming less and less enamored of Rebecca Traister, partially for reasons I have already detailed here). But I had to come up with some defense of why I like an arguably ghettoizing and patronizing "women's news blog" that also undermines its feminist credentials by including celebrity gossip. Well, here it is: Broadsheet doesn't detract from main-page coverage of important feminist issues at Salon, first of all. It is not an isolated source for women-focused news items. It is, however, a useful clearinghouse for soudbites and small news items that otherwise get lost in the shuffle, like one about a talented Afghani poet who was beaten to death by her husband. By combining these items and making them accessible, you get more readers and give the information greater credibility. As to the celebrity gossip- We live and think on a spectrum of sacred and profane, substantive and superficial, and acknowledging and celebrating that makes for a richer, more human and more grounded publication than one that insists solely on high-minded debates. After all, I'm not afraid to put my narcissistic musings about the pertness of my butt next to dorky political thoughts, because, well, those are all parts of my life.

FMLA craziness. I really don't feel like going into a discussion of our fucking sweatshirt slogan debacle but suffice it to say that feminism is not served when one person's personal agenda is imposed on a divided group under the misleading rhetoric of "I want to have a choice available [and screw you because if you are hurt by my preferred representation]." I HATE the idea of a feminist shirt defining our philosophy by something so reviled and cliche as not wearing a bra, but I hate even more oblivious self-righteousness of so-called leaders who pay lip service to democratic decision making and then guilt-trip people who disagree with them when the group doesn't reach the decision THEY wanted.